Love has been one of the more unusual casualties of war here in Iraq. Young men and women have kept to their homes, and families have turned to older tribal marriage customs as a bulwark against the insecurity. But as a tenuous calm has returned to Baghdad, there’s been a brief blossoming of so-called “love matches.” Newlyweds and groups of young single men and women spend weekend afternoons strolling through the Baghdad Zoo, featured in this video.
There aren’t many ways to find love in Iraq. There are few such public spaces in Baghdad where couples can meet, even if little more happens than a platonic holding of hands. The majority of marriages are still arranged within families, often between cousins, reflecting the conservative view of marriage as a strategic union that keeps wealth inside the family, and guarantees the good reputation of the bride.
Sami, the subject of this video, says he couldn’t have married Sejwa if the security situation hadn’t improved in recent months. For starters, he found a job with a government office last year, his first since the U.S. invasion, which allowed him to save up the US$5000 needed for the marriage. An Iraqi bridegroom are expected to provide an apartment for his bride with all the modern conveniences:¬ refrigerators, televisions, kitchenware, beds, air-conditioning units. That makes for some of the most detailed pre-nuptial agreements in the world, and means many families take a businesslike view of marriage.
That means marriage is a distant prospect for many young men in Iraq, where unemployment remains at 30% and under-employment hovers around 60%. Sami says many of his friends have not yet been able to afford to marry. Sami is 37 years old, 10 years older than his bride; under normal circumstances, he would be considered old for a newlywed.
“The Koran says marriage is one half of life. The other half is children,” Sami said. “As soon as you become a man, you naturally want to be married, but that’s not possible financially for a long time.” The other benefit of the recent calm, says Sami, is the chance to fall in love. Although his marriage to Sejwa, a second cousin, was arranged by his family, he was able to spend his betrothal with her at Baghdad zoo, getting to know each other. “Because of the dangers in the last few years, many couples have had to get married quickly, without properly getting to know each other,” he said. “This has led to many unhappy marriages.”
Peace has also allowed a new generation of lovers to court each other in the zoo outside the usual parameters of formal family arrangements. If a boy likes a girl, he may walk past her and drop a piece of paper on the ground with his cell phone number; she can then discreetly pick it up. Mobile phones with Bluetooth have opened up a further world of subtle interchange; boys and girls assign themselves names, and hope to find the one they fancy through the Bluetooth traffic.
Only a few boys will actually approach a girl and ask for her name and number. For women in such encounters, the risks are considerable. Mohammed al-Dulami, one such young hopeful shown in this picture, explained to me at an internet café: “If a girl accepts the look of a boy, it can mean that she has declared her love for him. No other boy will think about approaching her, and her family will be very angry if they find out.” The acceptance of an invitation to go for a walk in the park is almost like a betrothal. “Women are expected to protect their honor and make sure they choose a man who can provide what he says he will deliver,” he said.
Mohammed is 18, and does not have a girlfriend, or a job. “I think it will be many years before I can marry,” he said.
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35 died in Iraq wedding suicide attacks
BAGHDAD (2008-05-02)-- The death toll rose to 35 in double suicide blasts which struck a wedding convoy Thursday evening in northeast of Baghdad, and 76 others were wounded, police said.
The two suicide bombers, one of them a female, blew themselves off as a wedding convoy passed by a main street in the town of Balad Ruz, 30 km east of Baquba, the capital city of the restive Diyala province.
Police said the first female bomber blew herself up in front of the wedding convoy, and the second bomber went off as people nearby gathered to help the wounded.
May 2, 2008 9:38 AM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on May 2, 2008 09:38
they can eventually fall in love and marry with the protect from Uncle Sam.
Thanks.
May 2, 2008 6:38 AM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on May 2, 2008 06:38
It would have been interesting to get the woman's perspective as well. I know it may be difficult, maybe even impossible, given the culture and traditions - but I kept wondering, as I watched the video clip, "I wonder what the woman is thinking about all this?"
May 1, 2008 5:06 PM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on May 1, 2008 17:06
Funny how there can even be dissenting opinions to a piece about love and marriage in Iraq. I mean, who can't do with at least hearing this situation?
It's certainly true that violence in Iraq is beginning to calm as the American occupation switches gears from the less successful blow-everything-up strategy to the more successful do-whatever-you-can strategy. The less guns we are using, typically, the better results we are seeing. Especially with the radical Islamic parties really keeping the violence going, America is doing its levelheaded best to be the force of peace in the region, rather than just another violent power. Luckily for American soldiers, they have enough money to do just that.
Considering the difference really started showing up a little bit after Gates and Patreus showed up, its probably more to do with them than Bush. They must have discovered upon entry that the new approach to combating terrorism is to make America everyone's best interest and let the extremists blow up enough peaceful muslims to shift perspective in the country. I would certainly say it is a better strategy and has certainly helped the opinion there.
The biggest problem, unfortunately, is the Iraqi government's stagnation in terms of progress towards peace. The sectarianism shows very heavily within the government structure there. Americans and Iraqis both are dying as the Iraqi government struggles to share oil wealth and put together a workable police force. Corruption and political expediency are what is really behind a the retardation of Iraqi progress. If the United States wants to fix Iraq, really fix it, it will have to wait for the next cycle of elections, be in on the ground floor of those elections, and hope that Iraqis understand the value of sticking together rather than acting apart. The optomist inside me thinks that it's a common idea the world over. The pragmatist inside me says it might not be that easy.
But the idea that people think the security situation is good enough to go out and have a good time, get married, and look forward to the future certainly bodes well for the next US President. I doubt Bush would do much to help the situation as it stands and our only hope is that he doesn't screw it up before the next President comes in while we hope the next President can get the Iraqi government to finally function as it should function.
Still, America has a hard time getting its own government to function well, so who knows.
May 1, 2008 4:46 PM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on May 1, 2008 16:46
The last time I flew over Baghdad, this past January, it was a very busy place, I could see cars on the streets, shops were open and people on the sidewalks and in the parks.
I found the Iraq society very complex and I enjoyed this article because it added more insight into the society, to what we can not see as soldiers, due to our position in the country. My visits to homes and villages were all in rural tribal areas where life is still very different. Great article, could you do one on Islamic view of Mosaic law?
May 1, 2008 2:43 PM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on May 1, 2008 14:43
WaPo Neo Con yellow journalistic propaganda. This guy probably had orders from his editors to write old fashioned 'relationship stories at the occupation front'.
Those Pulitzers more and more pathetic each edition that comes out with these Neo Con war propaganda.
Of course WaPo is afraid of loosing pro-war $$$ from clients.
What's the ratio, Joe? 2 investigative factual stories to 10 propaganda pieces?
May 1, 2008 2:16 PM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on May 1, 2008 14:16
@The blog owner's very own
How very immature of you. That's like saying that just because there's economic depression and high oil prices in America, there should be no love, sex, or marriage.
Just because a place is a warzone, doesn't mean anything. WE - US - THE USA, decided to make Iraq a warzone, so why should the people of Iraq suffer and put their lives on hold so that we can have our "war on terror"?
There's always a place for Romeo & Juliet.
May 1, 2008 1:46 PM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on May 1, 2008 13:46
Thanks for showing a side of life in Iraq that isn't just bombs and terrorism. There are 26 million people there, and, yes, I imagine life must go on even in civil war. It's also nice to see IRaqis who have a moderate interpretion of Islam. Like most people in the world, they want love, family, security.
May 1, 2008 4:49 AM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on May 1, 2008 04:49
How CORNY!
Baghdad is HELL (including in the so-called Green Zone), as is IRAQ!! No place for "Romeo and Juliet"!!!
Just listen to the testimony of veterans at "Iraq Veterans Against the War" and on the Web site "The War Comes Home"! THAT is Iraq.
April 30, 2008 5:18 PM | Report Offensive Comment
Posted on April 30, 2008 17:18