The president (and his aides, speechwriters and the entire comedy tribe of AIPAC in Washington) should recall that two world wars of the 20th century were conflicts between neighbours that eventually exploded into massive disasters. He should also remember that both world wars were uniquely European affairs and a confusing conflict amongst Christians-- militarist aggressors on one side, others at the receiving end and some (historically documented) collaborators in between. The Japanese militarist bunch took the opportunity to dominate others in their region (and not to attack a country some 8 times zones away from its capital!). A reasonable and ordinary understanding of world wars is that they started as regional conflicts-- and not as hallucinations to wreak global havoc instantly.

People in this region are well aware that the American president is stuck on a single event while America’s competence is in question at home and abroad. The weakening of America’s position in the world is a reality of its own making. This unfamiliar discomfort is causing psychotic episodes in Washington. In turn, this causes a relapse onto the dependency to bring out that old reliable fantasy: the fabricated global bogeyman, that larger-than-life and Hollywoodesque fictional creature usually found in a James Bond film or a Batman comic book.

Let’s cut to the chase and create our own shoot ‘em up fantasy here, continuing with this psychotic episode to see where it leads. Let’s assume that another bunch of America’s “friends” and their alligator tears (say, spiritual twins of Ahmed Chalabi) will finally convince America to find the might and the will to attack and occupy Iran on a given Monday, bomb it flat and drop “the Big One” on all Iranians on Tuesday, and turn a land larger than Alaska and its 72 million people to ash and dust during the subsequent 48 hours—all with no American soldiers lost or injured! Let us further dream that, by Friday of the same week, another pro-consul akin to His Excellency, Ambassador Paul Bremmer, will be in charge. Gun-toting mercenary contractors will roam Iran within a few days to deliver American-style “freedom” on the back of yet another tank in the Middle East. Thousands of Wal-Marts, Starbucks and McDonald’s franchises will move in to spread calories and “freedom”! And finally, let us continue this show and import some disconnected exiles to “run for office”, take charge of all oil and weapon deals, police training and “security”. Are we having fun yet, Mr. President? Would you like “Freedom Fries” with that?

Of course, this is an absurd hallucination. As a mature and stable democracy, America must first make the case to its citizens before wasting treasure and blood. Afterwards, it must face reality. Such action against another Muslim country will certainly ignite further trouble, devalue America’s stature in the Muslim world from Indonesia to Morocco, and isolate Uncle Sam in the rest of the world. Even those friendly Saudis may surrender to their Wahabi extremist cousins in an I-told-you-so argument, and….. there goes the old reliable gas station!

Moreover, attacking Iran will hardly solve the real problems staring America in the face. Will attacking Iran settle the festering Arab-Israeli conflict or help find Osama? How will attacking Iran help Iraqis, especially the 4 million of them who are displaced? Will attacking Iran reduce poppy cultivation in Afghanistan, or heroin consumption in the United States? Will attacking Iran fix the mortgage mess back home? Is the threat of using force against another sovereign country not contrary to Chapter VII, Article 39 or in fact the first line of the UN Charter: “to save succeeding generations from the scourge of war, which twice in our lifetime has brought untold sorrow to mankind”?

Perhaps President Bush meant to raise publicly a question for President Putin, who had just returned from Tehran. Maybe Bush’s court wizards and jesters in Washington just decided to switch to their “foreign policy doctrine” with Slim Pickens and Dr. Strangelove and his famous speech: “Well, boys, I reckon this is it — nuclear combat toe to toe with the Rooskies. Now look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches, but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is goin' on back there.”

Finally, it’s useful to review history. Iran has not started a war, or grabbed a neighbor’s territory, since the United States became an independent country. Iran helped the Allies during World War II, providing a supply route to Russia and a safe escape route for Polish Jews, some of whom settled in Iran. Iran has never trampled on the dignity of any one.

But a small Middle Eastern country fabricated after World War II might well start the world’s next Iranian conflict – a country that that aspires to be the real spin-meister of cheap tactics in Washington.