I remember saying, "Sorry" once on a tennis court when I unintentionally put the ball well out of reach of my opponent during a pre-game warm up, and he replied: "Okay, but how about your purpose of amendment?" He was putting an irreverent spin on a familiar phrase that Catholics associate with the practice of confession, the Sacrament of Reconciliation. You have to be sorry for your sins, of course, but you also have to incorporate into your confession a "firm purpose" to amend your ways in the future.
Apologies are easier to say than to make. By that I mean, making an apology is more than a matter of words. It involves a declaration of personal guilt or fault. It also involves voluntary vulnerability. You put yourself on the line and you open yourself to a possible refusal. Both you and your apology might be rejected.
The clue to an insufficient, often insincere apology is the expression, "If I offended you. . .," or "If anything I said upset you. . ." A sincere apology follows an admission, first to yourself, that you did in fact offend and you did in fact speak inappropriately. And next you convey that admission to another--flat out and undiluted. Then on the ruins of your personal pride, you determine to rebuild the relationship, to repair the damage.
A refusal to apologize is one thing; a refusal to forgive is quite another. You cannot right a wrong that comes your way by refusing to forgive the wrongdoer. If you take that route, you are maiming yourself, holding onto the hurt and holding open the wound by your refusal to forgive.
Refual to apologize is also a self-inflicted wound that won't heal unless and until you say what has to be said ("Im sorry") and do what has to be done (make amends). Hence the importance of your "purpose of amendment."
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