“More murders occur on Christmas than any other time of the year,” a reporter once told me. “The problem is that people who hate each other consume a lot of liquor and are forced to spend time together. The combination is lethal.”
Whether Christmas is the murder season or not, holidays certainly can be a time of tension for families. Where you celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas, who is invited, who cooks, and what you talk about can all be areas of conflict. Old grudges and jealousies can surface; new slights can occur.
Part of the problem is that we have very high expectations of our families. They are supposed to be perfect, and when we are hurt by a family member we feel especially betrayed. We are supposed to be able to be ourselves when we go home. We don’t have to be on our best behavior as we are with company. Sorry, it does not work that way.
The problem is that family, like the rest of life, is what we make of it. We have to work at family. The Catholic Church is running a series of TV ads asking “What have you done for your marriage today?” The question could just as easily have been, “What have you done for your family today?” The answers from ordinary people are humorous, profound, and beautifully realistic. You can see them at foryourmarriage.org.
But Thanksgiving is a time to focus on the positive. Rather than remembering grudges, it would be great if at Thanksgiving each of us related a story about how someone in the family touched our lives in a loving and significant way. Let’s say thanks to our families this year.
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