Timothy, Thanks for starting to write again. You're so right that you experience your losses in a unique way. But there is a companionship too in the losses we've all shared. When our loved ones have lived a long fruitful life, they leave so much of themselves with us. I realized that when your mother and uncle died--I realized how much I would miss them, too. As painful as the losses of my close family have been in my life, I'm also so grateful for the new perspective it has brought to eternity and to God and to appreciating the vision these great people have shown us. Prayers to you and all your wonderful family.

Timothy, First my condolences on the loss of your mom and uncle. I pray that God continues to shower you with His peace, mercy and wisdom and you look for His Kingdom on earth. Also, thank you for the wonderful quote from Pedro Arrupe. There are a couple people in my life who will benefit from those words.
Your thoughts on God's presence mirror many of my own. I've always likened living in God's kingdom here on earth to entering a river. The water (God) washes all over me, cleansing me, feeding me, moving me to where He wants me to go, empowering me to do what He wants me to do until He brings me out on the other side. I am living in the Kingdom of God now and hopefully sharing the Kingdom and taking the Kingdom to others. I know I invite others to join me there. We get to play a role, as your Mom and Dad have done, in advancing the work of God. What a great gift He gives us--the opportunity to join in His labor and then enjoy the fruits of them when we "cross the bar."

Dylan Thomas's poem:

A Refusal To Mourn The Death, By Fire, Of A Child In London

...

After the first death, there is no other.

Timothy,
My sincerest condolences to you and your family. I thank you for your beautiful words which have captured the wonderful memory of your dear mother. Your words are of great comfort to anyone who has lost a parent. It is always difficult to lose a mother or father. We never quite get over it. As time goes on, we become more and more comfortable with the daily feeling of loss; and love fills that void where a laugh, a voice or a touch was once present.
Thank you again for such a beautiful and comforting column.
--Ellen Flanagan, Geneva, Switzerland

Thank you very much for sharing such a personal experience with us so beautifully.

The only thing I would change would be your label of the "Christian rosary." The Rosary has and always will be a fundamentally Catholic practice of prayer. All people are welcome to join with the larger community of prayer in this beautiful profession of faith, but there is nothing wrong with characterizing it correctly.

As much as I sympathise with your loss, why do you think your loss is greater than anyone's that it requires a space on national newspaper. You see the poor suffer death, and very painful ones, and they bury their dead without anyone even knowing who they are and they go about their daily business as usual. Most times, they cannot even afford to seek help because of the dreg of poverty and suffer other insurmountables. So with due respect, you do not need to foist your loss on us or anyone else because we all suffer loss and deal with it in our won private way. I loved your uncle stupidly and just yesterday bought his book, your mother, is quite inspirational for all that she did for people with a disability. You can pen your grief somewhere else. When was the last time you read about some poor sod getting the opportunity to write a piece about their loss in the papers. Only the rich and powerful.

Thanks for sharing your personal experience and reflections. Losing a parent is something you never get over, even if you believe they are in that better place. Your words speak for many of us.

Peace.

To Shalomomlevi, This is an OP ed piece and if you don't understand that you should go back to high school. It is also for the column on FAITH.
To Timothy, You have put your feeling of the heart very well on paper. That is not easy to do. It is very difficult to lose a parent at anytime in your life. Thank you for sharing this. My prayers to you and your family.

Tim, that's a beautiful conclusion...letting love decide everything. When my own mother died, I also learned to accept this on faith. But, when I survived my own near death and spent two weeks in a coma, I discovered for myself that the ways of God and the universe are exquisitely calibrated to this perfect truth. Everyone who gathered around me held me suspended in thoughts and prayers in that perfect place. I remember having to let go then, w/faith that their love and memories of my own loved ones would take me where I needed to go next. As it turns out, it was back here for a little while longer. If it's of any comfort to you, it's an incredibly beautiful and painless journey, at least as far as I got, which was slightly north of Hubble. It's as glorious as the photographs convey. w/compassion.

Tim,
Do you have any evidence of a heaven or god?
And why is there " terror" in dying? Its this "terror" that forces you to believe in imaginary gods and an imaginary afterlife.

Timothy, I lost my dear mom, Genevieve Quick, July 15th of this year. Thank you for the beautiful post that expressed some thoughts of my own that I have been unable to put into words. God bless you and your entire family!!!

Timothy I thoroughly enjoying reading about your experience, as painful as it might have been, there was a new light that came to life during that time. Men take things for granted and life locks us into situations that don't allow us to fully appreciate the magnitude of what and where this all leads.

Your family has been blessed in ways we on the outside don't fully appreciate, but your generation will take the torch of your parents and those previous to continue in sharing and giving. I am glad you have found your voice through the words you pen.

One of the greatest things I took from your piece was your fathers words "I want to meet the person who created that." In the minds of us we fail to appreciate that Alzeimhers patients live in a world unlike ours, and many times it is better than where we reside.

Don't stop trying to learn what your father wants to teach because he has things to share. Listen close because as you do, the world will take on new character and meaning. Thank you Timothy. My condolensces.

Precious Timothy,
I too lost my mother 5 years ago, but she is with me everyday and I also remember her with her rosary all the time. When I went to SPAIN, I brought her back a georgous Rosary that she loved so much.
I just want to say that I really did enjoy reading your write up about your mother. I was one of the lucky ones to have the best mother ever.I am also proud to say that because she was so loving, I return so much love back to her and never gave her one ounce of trouble.
I also want to say the there will never in my lifetime be a family like "THE KENNEDY'S", my favorite family in the good ole USA. When your uncle died, I cried and when Our president Kennedy died, I stayed up all night and day listening to all the news. I have a record 33wpm that I have kept all these years to remember him by.
May you always be in GOD'S hands
GARDY

Timothy,

How beautifully written.

For many of us, it is only during the times that we mourn from the death of a loved one that we find some form of peace and solace through the loving spirit of God. It is also because of the death of one that was loved so dearly that one finds the time to sit still quietly, while alone, so that one can feel God's loving presence and his loving spirit from within.

May God Keep you in his loving presence and spirit, as you find peace and love throughout the rest of the days of your life.

Tim- What a beautiful statement- to let love decide everything. Coming to this realization while grieving the loss of your mother is especially poignant but you seem to get it. She is absent from the body but in the presence of the Lord. Please continue to take comfort in knowing that as you mourn her loss.

A thoughtful and moving testimony to your "season of grief". I am fortunate in that both of my parents (in their 70's) are still living, but your words are written with universal appeal to all who have endured loss. A good use of the podium you have been given. Thank you.

Dear Timothy, Thank you for beautiful article, deepest sympathy to your wonderful family. I too lost my dear mother many years ago but love is what keeps you going year after year. May God's love and grace be with you.

To Timothy, I am so sorry for your loss. A mother's love is irreplaceable and by your own tenderness and caring, you do her credit for the wonderful parent she was.

To Kenk2, I am sorry to have to drag the mood from grace and love, but you seem to be a real jerk and just plain mean. You don't write in a national paper because no one asked you to, and even if they did, who would want to read nastiness and invective in a column dedicated to faith. Can't you try to be nice for just one day and let this man mourn his mother's passing?

Dear Tim -- Only Heaven knows how much you have touched others' hearts with these beautiful words about your precious mother. God gave you a gift, rather gifts. First, your mother; He then gave you the perfect words that give comfort and assurance to countless others around the world, your family, and you. Being willing to share your most heartfelt thoughts has now delivered a wonderful gift to many -- an enduring reminder of the boundless love God has for all of us, no matter our circumstances. Through your hands poured a glimpse of Heaven's beauty that we can only perceive -- with awe! Thank you, and God blesses you. Jim.

Timothy, I can understand your grief and pray that your mother rest in Peace.

I also went through a similar experience when earlier my sister and recently her husband and my brother-in-law passed away. I was very close to both of them. I have written about how I learned to handle my grief in my post “It is hard to say Good Bye” in my blog:

www.thekoolheads.blogspot.com

If you wish feel free to check it out.

Timothy,
First of all, my prayers have been with you and your family knowing that you all must be really grieving right now.
I grew up in southern WV in the 1960's, it was your family that gave me and many like me the hope that our lives could be better. I was the first college graduate in my family, I have two children in medical school right now and I work everyday with persons who have developmental disablities. I see in concrete ways the effects your mother and other family members have had on the people of this country who live on the margins. The Kingdom of God has become more real because of their vision.
There are alot of rich and powerful families in this country who proably have done a few good things with thier wealth and power. Your family has given much (even the very lives of your uncles) that this world might be a better place. God's grace be with you in the days ahead. I sure that if you keep living with the mystery that we know as God, God will lead you through your grief to bring that Kingdom closer in ways that would make your mother proud. I am fairly certain she will know. Grace and peace my brother.

"Let love decide everything"
I'm with you...MAY GOD CONTINUE TO STRENGHTEN YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN YOUR TIME OF NEED.

The comments below by HavennerKP were amazing (in a good way). I hope these words, in addition to Timothy's eloquent words, bring people comfort. My own grandmother on her deathbed spoke so movingly of being ready to see those "on the other side". In fact, at that moment, she seemed more of that "other" world than our earthbound one. I have never doubted since then that there is some sort of afterlife in the presence of a divine being. And HavennerKP's comments just reinforced my belief.
--------------
... when I survived my own near death and spent two weeks in a coma, I discovered for myself that the ways of God and the universe are exquisitely calibrated to this perfect truth. Everyone who gathered around me held me suspended in thoughts and prayers in that perfect place. I remember having to let go then, w/faith that their love and memories of my own loved ones would take me where I needed to go next. As it turns out, it was back here for a little while longer. If it's of any comfort to you, it's an incredibly beautiful and painless journey, at least as far as I got, which was slightly north of Hubble. It's as glorious as the photographs convey. w/compassion.

Posted by: HavennerKP | October 13, 2009 4:06 PM

Puh-lease.

Dear Timothy, how amazing that your beautiful, faith-filled words about your Mom's passing are posted today. Today is the 7th anniversary of my own Mother's passing, and it is tantamount on my mind and heart. Like your mother, my Mom was filled with a faith and love that I know has helped her find God's love in eternity. Like you, I, too, have found an understanding of God I hadn't previously experienced--and yet, I realize there is still more I do not yet understand. Bless you for sharing your journey with others.

.."the kingdom of God is at hand." I keep meditating on that. It's true I think: God's kingdom is right here and now.
************************************
A very good description of loss and your feeling closer to God. However to truly KNOW God there must be Realization of God. In that case one goes beyond "thinking it might be true" to an inherent knowledge that Realization has occured. There are very few Realizers but they exist and have been with us. The East has produced most, with India the fountainhead of God Realizers. Doing the rosary is a means like the mala-japa of India. They do proclaim that the Kingdom is Always Already the Case. The best book I read on death and dying is Adi Da's, Easy Death. The Tibetan Book of the Dead is heavier reading but profound. Elizabaeth Kubler-Ross has great books too.

Thank you for your open-ness and your interest and movement to Realize God as Is.

Timothy, Your column about the loss of your mother was deeply touching and meaningful. Thank you so much for sharing your reflections with so many of us who have walked that same journey. I could never have survived without the knowledge of God's constant love and presence thru that journey. I could not have borne it without my Catholic faith.

The terrible loss for our family was my husband's death at a young age from the same brain tumor that claimed your uncle. Someone posted a link to your moving column on a brain tumor forum I belong to and your words are helping many.

Your mother has fought the fight and finished the race and now she is enjoying the reward promised to her. May that thought continue to give you comfort in your grief.

Innocence Lost

Dalai Lama Found Guilty of Persecution by High Court

We have recently received an update regarding the court case against the Dalai Lama and the Tibetan Government in Exile over their persecution of Dorje Shugden practitioners and their breaking of the Indian Deity discrimination law.

There was a hearing on the Dorje Shugden case on the 14th of September at the High Court in Delhi. This was the 3rd hearing, which was convened to examine the written response from the Dalai Lama's representatives to the allegations of Deity discrimination and religious discrimination against Dorje Shugden practitioners. This is nine and a half months after that response was received by the Court.

The Judge dismissed the Dalai Lama's arguments as unconvincing, further asserting that there was sufficient documentary evidence to prove that the Dalai Lama was in fact persecuting followers of the deity Dorje Shugden and that this would have to cease henceforth. The decision was made to issue a warning to the Dalai Lama to stop the persecution. The Judge declared that punitive measures would be initiated if the Dalai Lama refused to comply.
"Apparently, Dharamsala is mysteriously silent, and this is not new! They are probably contemplating on the next course of action--whatever it may be. It is possible that they may contemplate peaceful and violent means--or, on the contrary behave as if nothing has happened!"
It's worth noting that, although the Western Shugden Society has stopped its protests against the Dalai Lama, the Dalai Lama has not stopped trying to destroy the practice of Dorje Shugden. He recently spoke out against relying on the Deity in his Medicine Buddha empowerment in Long Beach, California and during his visit to Washington, where he spoke directly to Tibetans about the issue. This is yet more evidence that the Dalai Lama is engaging in actions of religious discrimination, something he now legally has to stop in India.

From Steve Jobs's 2005 Stanford commencement speech:

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

From Steve Jobs's 2005 Stanford commencement speech:

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Dear Timothy Shriver,

I don't know if you saw some of the vigil underneath the late pope's window. There was a small, quiet group every evening, and the monsignor led them in the rosary. The response--so known and yet at the time so fresh--

Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen

My condolences to you and your family. But your mother now knows God, better than she knew Him in life. Would that we all could.

God bless you.

Mary Cunningham
London

Yes, CCNL, and my heart and in my intuitionI know my Lord Jesus Christ is real and that he died to make death moot. The dogma embedded in those who doubt this does not deter me.

The only results of living with other's thinking I put any credence in is with the words inspired by God in the holy bible and how it has freed me from the death , the physical death that will come. I know spiritually I will live due the conquering of the REAL death by Jesus my Lord.

For added thought, here is what JD Crossan has to say about atonement theology: (from his book, "Who is Jesus" co-authored with Richard Watts)

"Moreover, an atonement theology that says God sacrifices his own son in place of humans who needed to be punished for their sins might make some Christians love Jesus, but it is an obscene picture of God. It is almost heavenly child abuse, and may infect our imagination at more earthly levels as well. I do not want to express my faith through a theology that pictures God demanding blood sacrifices in order to be reconciled to us."

"Traditionally, Christians have said, 'See how Christ's passion was foretold by the prophets." Actually, it was the other way around. The Hebrew prophets did not predict the events of Jesus' last week; rather, many of those Christian stories were created to fit the ancient prophecies in order to show that Jesus, despite his execution, was still and always held in the hands of God."

"In terms of divine consistency, I do not think that anyone, anywhere, at any time, including Jesus, brings dead people back to life."

Thank you for your thoughtful words, I admire your faith and those words your father spoke surely speak volumes about what we might seek from God or the absolute. I wish you peace.