Steven Wernick
CEO, United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism

Steven Wernick

The rabbi is Executive Vice President and CEO of United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism.

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Intermarriage not ideal, but is reality

Q: Chelsea Clinton, raised Methodist, and Marc Mezvinsky, Jewish, will wed this weekend. Statistics show that 37 percent of Americans have a spouse of a different faith. Statistics also show that couples in interfaith marriages are "three times more likely to be divorced or separated than those who were in same-religion marriages." Is interfaith marriage good for American society? Is it good for religion? What is lost -and gained -when religious people intermarry?

Judaism is unlike other religions in that it is more than just a faith community - it is also a peoplehood with a strong cultural identity. For the Jewish community, intermarriage is not ideal: Data consistently demonstrates that families with two Jewish parents are more likely, in every measure, to pass Jewish identity and engagement along to the next generation.

On the other hand, intermarriage is a reality: Some studies indicate that more than half of Jews marry outside the faith. Of course, when it comes to religious engagement, these families may choose a variety of different paths. When I was in the pulpit, I became familiar with Jewish households where one parent is not Jewish, yet both have committed to raising Jewish children - such families often bring enthusiastic and Jewishly committed children into the community. What is much more challenging, are households in which the intermarried parents decide to raise their children as "both," celebrating holidays from more than one faith and attending both church and synagogue. Quite simply, such practices lead to confusion - and to dilution of both religions.

Judaism teaches that in-marriage is a 
mitzvah, a sacred act that we are commanded to fulfill. As such, it's always the preferred choice for Jews to make, contributing to the continuity of our peoplehood. But to ignore the increasing trend of intermarriage, no matter how troubling we may find it, is shortsighted and denies not just the facts but the families themselves.

In 2008, the Leadership Council of Conservative Judaism adopted the principles of 
keruv, of welcome and outreach to intermarried couples. Merely accepting the presence of intermarried couples in our community was no longer enough, and so the LCCJ established a keruv commission to help congregations and communities reach out to intermarried couples and encourage them to join us. Our policy of keruv embraces the Jewish partners of interfaith families, as well as supporting the spiritual journey of non-Jewish partners by deepening their connections to the Jewish community and people. By continuously and tirelessly engaging with families who have chosen the path of intermarriage, we can show them the beauty living Jewishly.

In itself, intermarriage may not be ideal for the Jewish community - but it is a reality that we cannot afford to ignore. Ultimately, our goal must be the creation of strong, committed Jewish families. And if we can achieve that goal through both in-marriage and intermarriage, then we must make 
keruv, outreach and welcome, a priority for our synagogues and communities. 

By Steven Wernick  |  July 28, 2010; 3:15 PM ET  | Category:  Judaism Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati  
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Keeping this idea of Judaism or any other religion as a "peoplehood" (how strange Jews tends to think they are unique in doing that kind of foolish discrimination) that is not supposed to reach beyond its own self-discriminated community is beyond my understanding. The worse things in humans are a direct consequence from this kind of thinking breeding intolerance.

Posted by: stephanesibani | August 6, 2010 2:31 PM
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My daughter's dad and I are not ot the same faith. He's Buddhist, I'm Pagan/UU. She was not raised Buddhist, Pagan, or UU. She was exposed to many faiths is addition to her father's and mine - Christianity (Catholic and Protestant versions), Judaism, Islam, Ba'hai, to name a few - and allowed to decide for herself what worked and didn't work for her. She came to the conclusion that all of them had some good points and all of them had ome ridiculous b-s; she is an agnostic who puts those good points she found into practice in her life. Her father and I are not upset that we did not add to the world's Buddhist, Pagan, or UU population. We're thrilled that we added to the world's decent human being population.

Posted by: lepidopteryx | August 1, 2010 12:09 PM
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