Marrying within faith respects difference among traditions

The rabbi represents only one strain of Judaism, and the most conservative reading of scripture. In fact, there are several answers in scripture to the problem of intermarriage, and none of them has anything to do with respect for other beliefs. Like the concern of some American Indian tribes for those who marry outside of the tribe, the concern is for the survival of the tribe. One of the strains in the Old Testament is that the tribe must be protected (even if, in some cases, it means forsaking a non-Jewish wife and children). This is the bent on scripture that the Orthodox take - one that also defines a Jew by lineage. The rabbi's statements aabout "feeling" one's lineage would be true for these Jews.

On the other hand, Reformed and other Jews would not agree. To be Jewish is a matter of the heart, it's love for God and obedience to God. Not only in Christian understanding, but also many Jewish scholars would have agreed, when Jesus said, "God can make Jews out of stones." It is not being born a Jew that makes one Jewish, not a purity of lineage, but of the heart toward God.

It is harder for people of faith when they marry people who do not share the same faith and values that they hold. That is true. That being said, a couple that respects one another's faith and holds similar values based on a shared commitment, can be a wonderful thing - not only for them , but also for their children. One true thing the author said - they should talk seriously about this before they are married, whether they are of the same "house of faith" or not. It is an important discussion that will follow them all of the years of their marriage.

Although there is much in the Rabbi's post with which I respectfully disagree, I found many of the responses extraordinarily troubling, particularly the ignorant statements pertaining to the nature and function of Jewish law and tradition. Judaism is distinctive in that it is far more than merely a religious faith--it is a culture, a peoplehood, ETC. Judaism is an integral, inseparable part of daily life for the observant Jew and the observance of Shabbat and the many Jewish holidays make for an incredibly rich lifestyle. While there is no doubt that there are intermarried families creating enriching Jewish experiences for their children and that the Jewish community benefits tremendously from this, I would argue that doing so is significantly easier when both parents are equally committed to Jewish practice. What is much needed, I believe, is a reframing of the whole discourse surrounding intermarriage. Let's model what an intellectually open and honest, traditional, joyous Judaism can look like through Jewish learning and observance of Shabbat and holidays. I feel incredibly fortunate to have had many such experiences.

Right on, Rabbi, separate but equal!

Oh, wait a minute, I've heard that somewhere before...

"Children of intermarried couples often carry an identity crisis and those of Jewish fathers and non Jewish mothers refer to themselves as half-Jews confirming matrilineal descent as the sole factor in determining one's Jewish religion. Never have I heard a child of a Jewish mother refer to themselves as half-Jewish."

I disagree with much of your post on its merits; however, this is perhaps the part I find most nonsensical. The fact is that many Jews in this position are taught to believe they are "half-Jewish" by those who consider only matrilineal descent valid. Only the Reform and Reconstructionist movements accept patrilineage, so this is a self-creating, invalid viewpoint that proves nothing about matrilineal descent issues.

These identity crises are themselves caused by Orthodox and Conservative Jews who undermine the identity of raised-Jews of patrilineal descent.

I largely agree with you. One thing you seem to miss, though, is that many people who marry outside of their faith only nominally practice their religion. When people follow their religion seriously, however, it reall can be a problem. While different religions have some commonalities, they also have differences, and TRULY respecting other religions means acknowledging those differences, and not pretending that they don't matter. Neither a devout Christian NOR a devout Jew, for example, can pretend that the identity of Jesus is minor or does not matter. And you CANNOT pretend it doesn't matter without disrespecting both your own religion AND the other person's. Syncretism is NOT respecting other religions. It's disrespect of ALL of them.

This is a perfect example of bigotry. Rabbi Hecht, you cannot deny it. You feel this is OK because you believe YOUR god said so. So, the marriage of a Jew and non-Jew erodes the Jewish faith? How weak is YOUR Jewish faith that it could be eroded by love? Or is love not important in YOUR Jewish faith?

morristhewise, you said, "Their marriage proves that love can bridge the gap between religions". Their marriage does not prove any such thing, if it works in long run it is just part of a statistic, if it doesn't also it is part of a statistic. It only proves something meaningful to them and not much beyond that.

Millions of wedding photos will be distributed internationally, they will brighten up every persons life. Their marriage proves that love can bridge the gap between religions.

""

My husband and I practice different religions (neither one of us follows any of the Abrahamic paths). Some theo/thealogy we share, some we don't. We celebrate together when we can, spearately when we must.
My daughter was not raised inher dad's or my religion. She was raised with exposure to as many religiosn as possible and allowed to make up her own mind as to what did and didn't feed her spirit.

Posted by: lepidopteryx""

Most of the problems implicit in this question, Lepi, really have to do with *competing* faiths and traditions that claim some exclusive truth: in these matters, the divisions between slight variations of Abrahamic faiths can be a lot more bitter than between even very different Pagan paths, where, even by heritage, a certain amount of exogamy is pretty normal and theologically-untroubling. Sometimes it's good to be a polytheist. :)

"Any person who regards him or herself as a Jew, however defined, will feel the call of their people and have the fullness of their being disrupted by intermarriage."

While this is clearly a product of the author's ignorance, the solution is simple: to drop one's Judaism and forge a new path. This is America. Here we judge you by what you do, not who your father was.

If Judaism and Freedom clash, as they do in the Rabbi's bigoted (or narrow) world then it is Judaism that must lose, not the liberty to choose one's partner. That American Jews are assimilating through marriage at heretofore unheard of rates only reinforces my point.

Perhaps fortunately however, the Rabbi is begging the question: he is wrong about his own religion.

"Indeed, when G-d told Jews not to intermarry it was out of respect for and preservation of important differences."

Bear in mind that not every believer believes in the same b-geyman that you do.

Each believer's b-geyman has given that believer specific instructions, instructions that probably differ from your b-geyman's instructions.

Therefore, each believer has to look to his or her own b-geyman for specific instructions as to who and how to marry.

If they don't follow those instructions carefully, their b-geyman will get them while they sleep.

Yet another pious man doling out his pious bigoted advise. Why can't these guys just shut up. Two private people are getting married, if you cannot wish them well, then they should just mind their own business. This pond scum claims that his sky daddy, "Indeed, when G-d told Jews not to intermarry it was out of respect for and preservation of important differences. I join my fellow clergy in proclaiming that we are still subject to the will and wisdom of our creator, who has defined for us true and distinct paths" From where does he claim that "it was out of respect for and preservation of important differences". What nonsenses is that. According to old testament whenever jews intermarried, they were told to stop whoring with other people. Is that what means respect differences? These men with bronze age beliefs want to perpetuate the vile traditions in 21st century using these sweet sounding camouflages of the actual texts. Why don't they just crawl under some rock and stay there.

My brother is in an interfaith marriage and enjoyed reading this thought provoking article when I sent it to him, thanks for sharing your story and including the links.

My husband and I practice different religions (neither one of us follows any of the Abrahamic paths). Some theo/thealogy we share, some we don't. We celebrate together when we can, spearately when we must.
My daughter was not raised inher dad's or my religion. She was raised with exposure to as many religiosn as possible and allowed to make up her own mind as to what did and didn't feed her spirit.