Apology as Restitution

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As I said above, I am not suggesting we cannot ever defend ourselves. Although our Lord never took violent action against another (except when He cleansed the Temple), He was protected by His covenant with His Father (the Old Testament. The word "testament" means "covenant".). His enemies couldn't lay a hand on Him until He purposefully allowed them to (Luke 22:53, & John 19:11). He released Himself into their hands by the words of His mouth (Mark 11:23, and Luke 22:53 illustrate the power of His-and our-words). He was meek, but that doesn't mean "weak".

Forgiveness may not always be preceeded by an apology. They are not necessarily related. Christ forgave His enemies from the cross, but there is no record they had ever apologized for the way they treated Him. I am not saying we should never defend ourselves, but forgiveness is about releasing the one who has been wronged. As long as you hold on to unforgiveness, you continue to relive the injustices of the past, and you continue to wound yourself. You are captive to it until you let go, forgive. That said, I am not sure if Don Imus of necessity realizes the true extent of the pain caused by his remarks. I hope so. I commend the ladies of the Rutgers team for forgiving him and thus letting go.

Maureen McNeill

I agree - excellent discussion there. Some of the other threads are extremely interesting too.

Take a look at

http://lookinginthedistance.blogspot.com/2007/03/on-forgiveness_04.html

Mary:

See

http://lookinginthedistance.blogspot.com/2007/04/nappy-headed-hos.html

As always Prof. Stevens-Arroyo your articles are thoughtful. However, on this one I must agree and disagree: Christ *and* Catholicism are in agreement: there must be forgiveness--reconciliation--before any restitution--or penance--can be requested or given.

Both are not needed: forgiveness is paramount.

Penance is more necessary for the sinner than the Lord. *His* mercy is boundless and ever lasting. Next to it, our penance is a feeble thing. When we forgive unreservably, we become like Him. When we must give penance we remind ourselves that we are like,well, us. Which would you choose?

To CECIl,

At one time Cecil we as a country did just what you asked me. People were much more civil and courteous to each other. Most people in this country today recognize that we have lost as a society many "common sense values". Civility, respect, only being two of those values.

Now the general rule, or I should say the Political Correct rule is "That may apply to you, but not to me." Or what I hear in my profession all the time, "We cannot punish him/her, they did not know better. So therefore we can punsih no-one." Like I said, its the "lunatics running the asylum". Currently in our area we have a serious teacher shortage, like many other areas. We have many new bright eyed and bushy tailed new teachers start every year. Many of them resign at the end of the year. On their written reasons as to why they quit is the following :
They got called horrible names, racist names, sexist names, and foul names. While no action is taken against the kids. #2 They were threatened or assulted. And the mind set "I don't get paid enough to put up with this kind of treatment from kids and parents." Only one small example of how our society has changed for the worse in regards to manners and common sense.

So in closing how do we as a society monitor and punish those who break so called laws of decency and common sense when the Political Correct People don't recognize those two values in the first place. Or those values can only be attributed to the "race or sex of the week".

Thank you for your polite response. Also, your right about neither choice is acceptable. But unfortunately, I have too accept alot of behaviors today that I do not like. Or be branded at my job as a traditionalist, homo-phobic, another white man, racist, sexist, pedophile hater, a religious freak, and the lsit goes on and on.

Mr. Arroyo: You made a number of really good points. Thank you.

I would suggest that an apology is not restitution. As I understand the term, restitution means to repay, to make it right, to repair the damage. An apology seldom does this.

You wrote at some length about forgiveness, but you did not define it. What is this thing called forgiveness?

It seems to me that both restitution and repentance are prerequisite to forgiveness (whatever that is).

I also wonder about the accuracy of your comments (and others) about the sancity in times past of a person's word or a hand shake agreement. The good old days are appealing, but we better be cautious before we go there.

BOBSTER: You wrote "My point is that I would rather have people say things like that radio talk show host did, or other things I have heard that were wrong than to have a communist radio and TV shows like the liberals or far right want us to have." Neither choice is acceptable, but are these our only choices? Can we not police and purge the truly vile, dispicable, deliberately hurtful - and still have freedom of the airways?

why are we talking about imus?

To BA'AL:

Pretty sick username! I'm sure you like being represented by a pagan God that required child sacrifice. Jeremiah 32:34-36

Certainly the pope needs to be more careful about what he says, and to whom, since he legitimately speaks for a large group of people (myself included since I am Catholic). Most of his speech is said to have been aimed at his familiar complaint, European secularism. That's no excuse, and Benedict is such a learned man it is hard to think that he merely mis-spoke.
I would also argue that Imus, because of his membership in the amorphous, big-media "in group" that shapes and reflects mainstream America, also speaks for more than just himself. The Imus persona embodies exactly what the descamisados of this society have always suspected that rich white people talked like...

The Pope is the leader of a religion that believes that it is correct and other religions are by definition wrong. He cannot possibly apologize for his words. But then, neither can the Muslims who disagree with him. I have no dog in that fight.

Imus is another matter. He once called WaPo reporter Howard Kurtz a "boner-nosed, beanie-wearing Jew boy" and he called Gloria Estafan "this little Chihuahua-looking 'ho." He called Venus and Serena Williams "booma chucka big-butted women". He didn't get fired for those remarks, but should have, and there are lots more where those came from. Because of this, I question the sincerity of the people who fired him this time, or the people who continued to appear on his show long he said these things.

Wolfowitz should resign for being caught in his corruption. Anything he says in the meantime is pointless until he does that.

Mr. Arroyo,

I agree with you in many of the issues that you discussed. But I also disagree to some extent.

My main disagreement is that in my opinion just about everything has become political one way or another. Politicians become involved on a daily basis on issues that in the past they never bothered to even comment on, let alone get involved with.

I think it is wrong to talk on public radio the way that many people of all races speak today on radio. But my fear is that if we allow the politicans to curb foul language or slurs then they will start to take other freedoms away from us. Which they are so good at doing. I think that we lost the "common sense rule" years ago. Now for example many people need written instruction on how to eat, tip the waiter, and dress properly for a funeral. As you stated we did not need written contracts before. But now a contract is required for the most mundane act in many cases. It goes back to what happened to common sense?

The political correct police tell us that all jokes are bad. So no more jokes at all. The lunatics are now running the assylum.
My point is that I would rather have people say things like that radio talk show host did, or other things I have heard that were wrong than to have a communist radio and TV shows like the liberals or far right want us to have.

I have heard numerous jokes about my sex, my race, being hetrosexual, etcc.. Some were ment to be funny. Other people ment them to be derogatory. There is a difference. For people who can't tell the difference then we as a society need to issue them a written instructions in how to tell the difference. One more set of instructions want matter that much.

I also think that some people need to learn how to get over themselves. I am not implying you. They are way to sensitive.

I also have to remember that if I get a resentment today, that forgiveness is the answer. regardless of what the other person does, or does not do. Sometimes its easier said than done though.

Keep up the excellent articles!