"You've wandered all over and finally realized that you never found what you were after: how to live."

This paraphrased line from the Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius (taken from Arthur Frank, The Renewal of Generosity: Illness, Medicine, and How to Live, provided me with a text for a commencement address at Illinois College last Sunday. How dare a speaker contradict what he said in a deathless commencement address, so:

Each morning I wake up with a fresh awareness of the generosity of God, nature, and people--or, at least, more of them than I deserve. So I am indeed satisfied.

As the day goes on, however, whether with reference to Marcus Aurelius or not, I am dissatisfied with many aspects of life. I am pressing age eighty, have wandered far--physically and in imagination--but I can't say "I finally realized" much of anything yet. But I am trying to find what these lines ask for: "how to live."

Toward that end, I have to be dissatisfied not with "others" and "the other" but with myself, since I have not pursued all the conversations, adventures, risks, challenges, and opportunities that will, or would, advance me in the search for "how to live." In that sense, I hope never to be satisfied until my last day.

Meanwhile, there is today, this day, which brings so much that I can also say honestly: yes, I am sastisfied. As for tomorrow . . .