For me, questioning one’s faith is essential, non-negotiable. Faith is not a proof; rather it is conviction in that which you cannot prove logically.
In the first place, there is no proof of God. Second, I understand that for one to think or believe that she or he completely knows the mind of God, in whom one puts one’s faith, is idolatry: for that is putting one’s self on an equal plane with God and thus violating the First Commandment. Third, on an existential level, I question most days. Why do innocent children die of cancer?
I grew up and was raised in a fundamentalist tradition that took the Christian Bible literally. As I remember, it was in the 6th grade that I began to question that literalism. The ascension of Jesus into the clouds after the 40 days bothered me more than the teaching that Adam and Eve were the very first man and woman. In fact it was not until I was a sophomore in college that a religion professor dared to say that Moses did not write the first 5 books of the Bible. When I went home at Christmas vacation spouting my 19-year-old sophistication and new knowledge, my parents threatened to remove me from this heretical seat of learning. I, literally, thank God they did not.
The God I have decided to put my trust in is secure enough, powerful enough, loving enough to take all my questioning and at times, disbelief. The Book of Job, that very ancient story, gives me confidence that while I can never know the ways of God, God will let me know God. At almost 70 years of age, I find that to be true.
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