The year was 1961. We had moved with our young son to the mid-West where I was to begin my first service as a newly minted parish clergyman in the Episcopal Church. Shortly after we arrived and settled into our apartment, my wife, Win, received a note inviting her to a Diocesan gathering of clergy wives. We discussed how this might be an opportunity to make new friends, and just what kind of meeting it might be. Win accepted the invitation and we plunged back into the excitement of a new town, new acquaintances, and, for me, a new job. The day soon arrived and Win headed off to the overnight gathering without much attention from either of us. This changed upon her return.

Win’s first words to me were emphatic and heartfelt: “This is the last time I am ever going to such a thing in my life. You will not believe what was a main topic of discussion!” We sat down and I heard the rest of the story. The actual topic was: “What do you call your husband in public?”

Although both of us, then and now, firmly believe in the use of formal and proper titles of address in the conduct of business, Win was dismayed that the women were so centered on what to call their own spouses in public conversation. The choices discussed were not “dear” or “honey” or other endearments but rather “Reverend” or “Father” or “Doctor”. Those present believed that it was important and appropriate for each woman to address her own husband with the proper title of respect when they were in public settings.

Win said she told the group she intended to keep addressing me as Jim, a statement that received no response from the group. As Win ended her narration to me she reiterated that this was the end of her participation in clergy wives' groups and indeed it was.

Since 1961 the place of women in the Episcopal Church has changed a great deal. Women are now on vestries, are now elected as delegates to Church Conventions, and are now Bishops, Priests, and Deacons. Almost half of the students in our seminaries are women and, for the first time, our Presiding Bishop is a woman. What is worth thinking about, however, is that a number of ordained women have told me in recent times that while changes have occurred they, nevertheless, frequently receive very strong messages to the effect of “it is best if you know your place as a woman and are careful to always be mindful of that place.”