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The Hanukkah gift-giving dilemma
By Natasha Rosenstock
writer
I've been saying for years that I don't believe in Hanukkah presents. They're just something made up to make Jewish kids feel better during Christmas.
When my husband and I witnessed our daughter's delight at seeing her cousin's projector soother in motion (Yes, that's the name of a toy for children. If you don't know what this is, it is best described as a virtual mobile that lights up the ceiling with rotating fish or cartoon characters), he suggested we buy it for her for Hanukkah. What was I going to do, say no? My only alternative would be to suggest we buy it for her but specifically not give it to her on Hanukkah. This is fine when she's 15 months old, but what about when she's 15 years old? If I made a policy never to give my daughter Hanukkah gifts, as a young adult her therapist bills would start a competition with her student loans!
When the projector arrived two weeks before Hanukkah my husband was so excited he wanted to give it to her right away. What did I do? I said, "Wait, I thought it was for Hanukkah." The pleasure I'm receiving from picking out and giving her a gift she will love, far outweighs any philosophical issue I have with the "tradition" of Hanukkah gift giving.
According to Dr. Dianne C. Ashton, author of the upcoming book, "The American Hanukkah," I'm correct - Hanukkah gift giving was created to make Jewish kids feel better. Well, I don't know if that's why it was created, the history is a bit unclear on that point, but I do know that that's why it was encouraged. .
For all of the parents struggling to maintain a non-consumer, non-competition to Christmas spirit for Hanukkah, you would have had to be a parent in the 1950's to experience true guilt over your children's feelings of inadequacy around Christmas.
According to Ashton, "One of the things that happens after World War II in the 1950s in the U.S. is that Jewish child psychologists start writing about how to keep Jewish kids psychologically healthy during Christmas and they start promoting gifts. Rabbis in the 50s start promoting gifts. People were really concerned about Jewish children being happy to remain Jewish in December, especially post-Holocaust when Judaism must have seemed negative in a lot of ways. 'You can't do this. You can't do that.' People were trying to find ways to make Jewish kids happy to be Jewish."
It's my observation and experience that Jews who observe numerous Jewish holidays all year round don't feel the need to make a big deal out of Hanukkah gifts. Specifically, they often resist the idea that "observing" Hanukkah means giving children a gift each night for all eight nights of the festival. The real observation of Hanukkah involves commemorating freedom, adding special prayers to the daily services, lighting candles on the Menorah each night, the important and meaningful custom of eating jelly doughnuts (sufganiyot), and the equally pious practice of playing the dreidel game that involves gambling with real or chocolate coins (gelt).
In this era of the "National Menorah," lit adjacent to the White House, I hope that little Jewish children no longer have to be consoled about missing out on Christmas. Even the senior Senator from Utah, Mormon Orrin Hatch, is celebrating Hanukkah this year.
Natasha Rosenstock is a writer living in Potomac, Maryland
By Natasha Rosenstock |
December 11, 2009; 9:04 AM ET
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Posted by: EMILY19 | December 14, 2009 1:05 PM
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Ms. Rosenstock,
You are, of course, correct. And "in the best of all possible worlds" (credit to Voltaire), we might be able to follow your well-considered advice.
But as a Jewish parent of Jewish children who grew up in an overwhelmingly non-Jewish society - whose Jewish identities are positive and strong, as the result of Jewish pre-school, synagogue Religious School, and regular home observance - but who were inundated with the ubiquitous Christmas hype all around them - putting Chanukah in its proper place, while still encouraging one's children to identify positively with their Jewishness, is in this culture a losing proposition.
I wish it were otherwise. But, in an attempt to "turn lemons into lemonade" (credit to someone unknown), my personal approach has been to acknowledge the issue through humor. Herewith - hopefully for your amusement and that of your readers - is my take on the Chanukah craziness that some of us succumb to. Lyrics - mine. Melody - the traditional "Oy (or Oh, depending on language), Chanukah". Enjoy, and Chag Sameach!
OY, CHANUKAH!
(a late 20th century parent’s lament, still valid in the early 21st century)
Oy Chanukah, oy Chanukah, it gives me such tsuris,
And when I get my VISA bill, will I know what poor is!
No time to relax or to sit on my tush;
Gotta string the lights on my Chanukah bush.
I’m fetching, I’m kvetching, my temper has come to a boil.
As the day ends, I’m implored by my friends to partake of a break from my toil…
For my release I’m required to feast on a meal cooked in eight days of oil.
Oy Chanukah, oy Chanukah, again it comes early.
I hate to go out shopping where the people are surly.
Find the perfect gift, wrap it up right away,
Then it goes on sale just before Christmas Day!
And while I am wrapping, the latkes are turning blue;
Up every night ‘til the dawn’s early light
with the paper and scissors and glue…
Once is enough, and eight nights’ worth of stuff is entirely too much to do.
Oy Chanukah, oy Chanukah, the candles are burning.
The children play with fire and my stomach is churning.
Wonder why I’m not in the holiday mood…
Maybe it’s a week’s worth of grease-laden food.
For schlepping and prepping, the least I could get is a hug;
First to the latkes and then to the tchotchkes my family reacts with a shrug.
After eight nights of this circus with lights, I’ll look forward to pulling the plug. - Oy, vey!
Posted by: nan_lynn | December 11, 2009 2:33 PM
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Instead of looking outside our tradition, let's focus inward. I grew up in an Orthodox home where we got presents but we also got Chanukah GELT (money). This stems from the Maccabees who minted their own coins to show they had achieved autonomy from the Syrian-Greeks. Why not replace the "gift-giving" with the "gelt-giving" and give our kids silver or gold dollar coins each night? I am emphatically anti-gifts on Chanukah but PRO gelt. It is the gelt tradition that I intend to pass on to my children.