JESUS WAS A COMMUNITY ORGANIZER

It is stunning to me that so many comments miss the entire point of the piece -- that the word is not the problem; we are!

The author is NOT trying to stop the use of the word! For the sake of not looking completely ignorant and self-absorbed, read the article and make sure you understand it before you make comments that are completely beside the point, thus demonstrating your peculiar combination of both ignorance and arrogance.

The author makes a good point, and one I agree with: Words are not the issue; the heart of man is. Perhaps that is what so many find offensive: We are comfortable with someone else being the problem, but never ourselves.

I empathize with the author of the column.

I also cut people a lot of slack when I know or infer that they had no intention of insulting or denigrating others. I understand that they may have insulted someone else. But they may not have intended it.

And to me intention is very important. I just don't see a mean person at the beach in this case. Ignorant perhaps, but not worth all the handwringing and emotional upset it seems to cause in a lot of people.

I don't want to live in a society where all we are allowed to do is speak in hushed, reverential tones about everyone else.

It wouldn't be real, spontaneous or human.

Whatever...I am so sick of everyone trying to be politically correct....my son is retareded. I take no offense to the word. As long as they are not using the word to be derofetory to him specifically SO WHAT!!!!! Get over yourselves people. As a black woman I also have no problem with people who use the term Nigga. As I said before as long as they do not refer that word to me or my family in a derogatory way then what concern of mine is it? America has freedom of speach.

Random beach episodes or any other random public interactions where bad words are used will always happen...rude behavior, lack of civility...insensitivity. The world can be an unfair place and some people will remain short sighted, shallow and crass. Having high expecations of others will lead to disappointments.

For those that complained about the film Tropic Thunder...I saw it and I laughed at its satire and sarcasm...I got it. Others who voiced criticism regarding the use of certain words either saw the film and did not 'get it' or did not see the film and decided to demonstrate against it. I am all for the freedom speech...even if it is speech that may be insensitive to others.

Could we *please* see someone drummed out of their job on a radio talkshow for using the "R" word? I don't think we've added any new "forbidden words" to thee list for a few weeks now.

What a bunch of wusses we've become. It's as if someone has invented a new zero-ith amendment protecting our right "not to be offended". From time to time people need to have a thicker skin than that.

I know individuals with Downs Syndrome who are more of a human being and everything that entails than so-called "normal" people. Who are the real retards here? I'm proud to call these people my friends. Not so much with the "normal" people, who are frequently petty, vindicative and maladjusted.

Kate,

No, Harlem and the Apollo aren't the only places that black people congregate. They also congregate at my dinner table, my living room and in other rooms in my home.

Epithets for the developmentally disabled also have a long and violent history. I suggest you look into T4, the systematic killing of the disabled during World War II where some 200,000 disabled people were gassed, shot, and injected with poison for the simple reason that they were disabled. It was called disinfection.

I would also recommend your own state's history and look for eugenic sterlizations that was state policy in much of the US during the first half of the twentieth century.

Kate, I would also like you to read some of the comments here if you think there is no active hostility toward disabled people today. Go to youtube and see disabled people used as entertainment as young teens and adults film themselves attacking disabled people.

Open your eyes, its all around you. Go to Massachusettes and visit the Judge Rotenberg Center where children as young as 6 are strapped with electrical probes in three different places on their bodies and shocked, in some cases thousands of times a day. Where disabled people have been starved to death and killed by its gruesome headmaster Matthew Israel.

Read about the UCLA professor, Ivar Lovaas experiments on disabled children with electrified floors and giving them LSD.

You want to talk about how developmentally people are abused and how historic it is? I'm ready for that conversation.

well, if she'd said "I'm such a genius" in an ironic sense, I doubt anyone would get upset at the offense leveled at a relative whose IQ rests to the right of the bell curve. the fact that you allow your son to be defined by one word, and that you are ashamed of this definition tells me that you've got a serious insecurity problem. sorry, but you can't own and define rules for a word that has multiple uses in the English language. retard is a term kind of like the word "hack." to "hack" a tree, is quite different from being a "hack" columnist who writes a bunch of rubbish in order to meet a WAPO deadline. but if you see me taking an axe to some branches on my plum tree, please don't ask me to not use the word "hack" to describe my actions due to the fact that it might offend your own writing style.

"Retarded" is a tough one because its use in pop speech is often used to convey strong disagreement.

People often don't realize that there are groups of words that are actually hardwired to certain responses in the brain. When a person smacks their thumb with a hammer, they often yell a swear without even thinking. Some women who normally never cuss are known to turn into real bad potty mouths in the delivery room. Turetts syndrome some short-circuits the primal swear reflex, and often "crazy" people entertain themselves for hours with swearing.

Calling your son a retard and calling someone a retard online are two completely different words, like their and there.

California legislators are retarded: they can't seem to pass a budget. Many of these comments are retarded: those writers haven't begun to walk in another's shoes (or crawl, for that matter). The children and adults who are labeled by insensitive and inarticulate people generally have more compassion, although they're often unable to express it.
So it's easy to be judgmental about the legislators. You'd think they are paid enough and ought to be able to do their job. Not necessarily so. The rest? Who knows. Where's Lenny Bruce when we need him? My son is developmentally delayed. He has Trisomy 21 and autism. I consider the people who say retarded to simply be uneducated and (probably) inarticulate. Most of the time I say something, and I've been at this a quarter century. Quite often I think my comments aren't processed by the people (they have their own learning disorders), and I'm trying not to be so judgmental about them, but it's easy to be intolerant instead of working on your own issues.
So let's hope the legislators get it in gear, and earn their keep. This was a good column.

How ugly you all are, with your strident boorishness, proudly crowing your constitutional right to be obnoxious, insensitive clods. I'm sure that's exactly what the founders of this country had in mind when they drafted the constitution and the bill of rights--a person's right to be as ignorant an a$$ as they want to be. If that's what being an American means to you all, then God help our country.

Wow, no wonder the world is so messed up. What a lot of miserable, mean self-centered people posting here. A "harmless slip", "being PC"- I find it interesting so many people want to support this small-minded mean young woman- because that is what she is. I imagine a lot of the posters here are the same. I find many people these days are very concerned about themselves and not too much about anyone else. Yes, we have freedom of speech- of course, we do- so no one will arrest you for almost anything you say- but that doesn't mean anything you say it right or good.

I'd like to add that we do not have any constitutional right to not be offended or hurt by speech.

I recognize your personal sensitivity to the word and I sympathize with your feeling that labeling your son as "retarded" limits his complexity. However, the word, as used by that girl, is a colloquialism that has nothing to do with your son. When we hear that word, used in this context, we all know what she means and it isn't that she's the object of revulsion.

If she'd said "idiotic" or "stupid", you wouldn't have reacted the same.

CS wrote: "I'd like to see all these folks who decry PC language go into Harlem on a Saturday night, at the Apollo, and yell Nigger. They won't because they know what will happen. Yet, they will call a developmentally delayed person retarded because they know they will suffer no consequence."

First of all, I make a distinction between public and private speech. The author inserted herself into a private conversation which she overheard in a public place (beach). This is very different from someone in public using a racial epithet that has historically been used to not only denigrate but also to contain in a violent way (via slavery) a group of people.

I find it strange that you mention Harlem and the Apollo, because perhaps that is the only place you can think of black people congregating?

I don't understand why it's offensive to the mentally challenge if I feel mentally challenged. Is it offensive to the insane if I think I feel crazy today?

I find the human condition extremely distressing over some of the comments on this board. It seems we are losing our humanity and ability to empathize. The right of the person to say the word seems to take precedent over the right of the insulted person not to be hurt.

I'd like to see all these folks who decry PC language go into Harlem on a Saturday night, at the Apollo, and yell Nigger. They won't because they know what will happen. Yet, they will call a developmentally delayed person retarded because they know they will suffer no consequence.

I don't think you win people over by correcting them in public, unless they are conversing with you and you speak up. The girls (or young women) in question were having a private conversation. As someone who's fairly liberal, I understand well why the non-PC folks object to this strategy: it is trying to shame others into adopting a point of view.

I object to someone who most likely has more power and clout pointing out to someone of lesser status that their private speech is "wrong."

Clearly, the author of this article felt somewhat entitled to have her say while depriving another person of hers.

If it had been public speech (announcing to a group that she was "retarded," as part of a public meeting) on the other hand, I think the author would have had every right to object.

While I agree that the wanton use of "retard" and other words can be offensive (to those who are thin-skinned, easily offended, or victims of intentional verbal abuse), I am so tired of being told by society's do-gooders what I can and cannot say and, by extension, what I should and should not think or feel. One of the primary reasons for avoiding insulting names is to avoid unreasonable judgments—"judge not lest ye be judged"—but constantly harping on this theme in a world filled with human beings instead of archangels is the ultimate hypocrisy: the harpists are all making value judgments while they demand that others not make them. That's pure nonsense in addition to unadulterated hypocrisy! I will say what I please, when I please, where I please, and why I please. I am prepared to accept the consequences of my words and other actions. I am an adult who does not need a nanny to constantly correct my language.

Another problem with this kind of idealistic and unrealistic social criticism of human behavior is that name-calling is universal and always has been. Everyone has a name -- and I'm not talking about family names like "Smith" or personal names like "Joe" and "Betty" here -- that they love to label themselves with, be it the noun for their nationality ("I'm an American"), their religion ("I'm a Christian"), their political affiliation ("I'm an independent"), their favorite avocation ("I'm a party animal"), their occupation (I'm a priest"), etc. Name-calling is something that human beings do all the time. And calling each other bad names is no less traditional or epidemic in the 21st century than it ever was. Language is a tool used to communicate feelings and attitudes as well as facts. All tools can be misused. That's the way life is.

The absurdity of attempting to ban certain words is even greater than the absurdity of attempting to prohibit drug use and to hide knowledge about sex from children. It always fails. Look at all the words used to name what used to be called the "Untouchable" caste in India. All that happened was the creation of a few more words that became as insulting as the original. Look at all the words used to name the black men, women, and children kidnapped from Africa to become slaves in America and the rest of the European world. All that happened was the creation of a few more words that became as insulting as the originals. None of those insulting words go away, especially when they are so freely used by those who claim to be insulted when others not like them use the terms—and the constant reinforcement of the "us" versus "them" dichotomy of otherness does not die either.

Funny", "insulting", "acceptable", "politically (in)correct", "good", "bad", etc.—all these words express judgments, personal judgments. None reflects any kind of objective reality in the universe.

Let people express themselves however they choose and be honest about making judgments. If you find them offensive, then say so or just ignore them. But please don't parade your "superior" values on the street corners or in the media of the world so that everyone can see how much better you are than they are. We've had enough Jimmy Swaggerts and Elliot Spitzers to last us a few more millennia.

People should always be ashamed if they do not use the approved PC speak. That is a given.

We can fix the world just so long as nobody says the word "broken."

Thank you for your thoughtful essay. Life being what it is, I find that I do a little of both strategies. One help that I discovered a few years back comes in the form of some positive and provocative teeshirts, designed and sold by anythingbutordinary.org. My favorites are "There's More to Me Than What You See" and "I Don't Mind If You Stare As Long As You Smile."

Grace and peace to you. Suzanne

I would like to address this from my perspective. My wife says that my mind is structured in a complex way that it is light-years ahead of anybody I will generally come into contact with. If this is true, then it can explain the frustration I have when dealing with the "normal populace" when it comes to finding solutions or having the solution 30 minutes before someone of the "normal populace" has. Imagine telling a "computer help desk" knowing the answer to what the issue is that needs correction and the help desk's associates are clueless. It is easy to call the individual on the other line ignorant, but the frustration level just goes up.

Multiply this by 100, compound this with someone who has difficulty in formulating the words or get the sentences to run in a semi-coherent state or they are receiving bits and pieces and I think this is whaty is behind a number of the autism factors. Simnply stated, these youngsters are far more smarter than we give them credit for and their brains may be running on information overload, due to a chemical imbalance lack or overflow of one chemical or a combination thereof. I am not an expert, but when interacting with people and I am having this "problem," imagine what these youngsters, who are diagnosed as being autistic are going through? They just may be way ahead of us, but they can't communicate in a way we can understand. Therefore, if the ability to communicate is the measurement of "retardation" instead of intellect and the ability to reason, have we all lost our senses?

Oh boo hoo. If I had been the young woman to whom you addressed your whining I'd have stared at you, and then probably laughed.

I mean really. Don't you have better things to worry about than strangers using innocuous words to describe themselves?

I guess political correctness has invaded every recess of our society.

I have noticed that adolescent speech patterns don't really change until they have been out of school for a few years. Forced to interact with "grown-ups" they drop phrases like like, gay, and retarded. Especially if they opt to work in an office setting.

While I understand Susan's point of contention with the girl at the beach, the fact is she almost certainly knows better than to use derogatory language, but it's something she'll have to find out on her own time. Lead a horse to water and all that.

***

Once upon a time I summarized an unfavorable situation with the comment "That's so gay." A gay co-worker said "No, if it were gay, it would be awesome." We were both somewhat joking (I knew he was gay when I made the comment), but his point was made. Susan, perhaps you could have told the young woman "No, if you were retarded, you'd be a whole lot nicer."

Ms Senator, please get over yourself.

You know whats worse than a person who calls themselves a retard in an obviously joking manner?

The person who labels that joker a shameful ignoramus under the pretenses of informed superiority.

Welcome to Hypocrisyville, USA, home of the politically correct Pharisees.

When the young lady at the beach said, "Oh, I'm so retarded," she was both denigrating those born mentally-challenged and demonstrating a linguistic laziness that has become all too prevalent in our society.

"Retard" is not generally used in the same sense as was pointed out by another bloger, i.e., "How could I be so blind?!" To call someone a RE-tard is to label them as unbelievably stupid or dense. Whenever I've heard it used, it has been a pejorative, and it's been used by someone too lazy to learn and use a more descriptive term.

The English language is rich and nuanced, yet most people choose to limit their vocabulary to a few thousand threadbare words so overused, they lack real meaning.

Assuming the young lady at the beach wished to imply that she was ignorant, herewith the synonyms listed in the Oxford American Dictionary and Thesaurus: unknowing, unaware, unenlightened, unconscious, unwitting, benighted, in the dark, oblivious, nescient, uneducated, unschooled, uninitiated, uninformed, inexperienced, green, naive, fresh, innocent, unsophisticated, unread, unlearned, unlettered, unversed, illiterate, unfamiliar, unacquainted, untutored, unconversant. There are 28 possible words our lazy young lady could choose from to describe her lack of knowledge, none of which would be politically incorrect.

Actually, the following synonyms from the same source are also politically correct and, I believe, are more apt descriptors of the young lady in question: ill-mannered, uncouth, rude, discourteous, unchivalrous, impolite, uncivil, boorish, gauche, ill-bred, bad-mannered. Add 11 more to the list of words the lazy young lady could have used that would have more precisely described her boorish, ill-bred behavior than the use of the word "RE-tard"

And for those of you wishing to avoid the curse and burdens of senile dementia, you would be wise to note that those who exercise their brain by, among other things, increasing their facility with language, are significantly less likely lose mental capacity as they age.

@ Irene Dorang:

The beachgoer was calling HERSELF "retarded"! If I were to say "I'm fat" do you really believe that would offend the "clinically obese"?

Good point, Susan. We need to watch what we say about developmentally disabled people.

I was wondering if the McPalin ticket is a success, will that lead to some sort of political changes regarding services for developmentally disabled children? I'm thinking about Trig Palin, Governor Palin's youngest son.

@ Jack Kunkel:

Of course she shouldn't have said "I'm so cognitively impaired ..." Using the phrase "cognitively impaired" obviously implies there's something wrong with being cognitively impaired. That would just be SO insensitive!

Susan,

Thank you for making an important point. Reading through the many vitriolic comments on your post I seriously had to wonder who in the world clicks on this column - it can't be a random sample of WSJ readership.

To the many people who missed the point, Susan is not talking about being PC and simply not using a specific word, she's talking about the MEANING people see in the word, which is what makes it hurtful.

The girl on the beach (18 years old so not really 'just a kid', by the way - she's old enough to join many other 18 year olds as a soldier in Iraq - but that's another point) would probably never have said "I'm so developmentally disabled", or "I'm such a special needs person."

The reason is that even though those terms accurately describe someone who is mentally retarded, they carry no pejorative connotation, and that was the purpose behind her statement about herself.

Calling someone "so retarded", or a "RE-tard", is the same as calling someone "fatso" instead of "overweight" or "clinically obese". The issue here has nothing to do with being PC, it has to do with the purpose of your statement. The person who says "fatso" instead of "overweight" uses the word because it implies something negative about the overweight person, and the use of the word 'retarded' that Susan takes issue with carries that same scorn and censure.

Her point is NOT that people should never use the word, but instead that people should understand the truth about the term and the people it describes, in which case they would never use the word in a hurtful sense.

When parents face the prospect of raising a mentally retarded child one of their greatest concerns is "what kind of hurtful treatment will this child have to suffer from its peers?" The fact that this fear could be completely eliminated by “normal” people making the right choices and teaching their kids to do the same (but instead it is a very valid concern) makes a sad statement about society, and points out the need for people like Susan to write this kind of column.

I'm so sick of politically correctisms. Every interest group with a lobby & sob-story seems to feel empowered to remove perfectly accurate words from our vocabulary and replace them with euphemisms - invariably long and meaningless ones.

In this case, the writer takes it upon herself to stop people on the beach who dare to say "I'm so retarded...." I guess the offending beach-goer should have said "I'm so cognitively impaired ..."

Lady, your kid may just be the most wonderful human being on the face of the planet, but if his IQ is 50, he's retarded. Period.

I had to read this again and was overcome by the hypocrisy of the statement: "What is wrong is when someone seeks to reduce a person to one thing."

What is wrong is to reduce anything to it's one thing (unless making an extract or reduction where that is the end goal.) You have reduced in your mind the word retard to one thing and then complain when others do the same thing to a person.

Appalling.

Retard comes from the meaning slow. In many languages, including French and English that is exactly what it means. Slow. Why would we want to retard the use of a perfectly normal word? We might as well be saying: Fast. It's more than you know.

People who seem to pigeonhole a word to a single definition are extremely narrow minded and short sighted and unable to see the world for the big picture it is. If I sit there and say I'm being very retarded today, or "Je suis tres retard aujourd'hui." I am simply saying I am being slow today. That doesn't mean I am being or acting below my mental level and people who would take it as such really need to get out of their personal perceptions and open up the the beauty of the whole world and the languages within.

I am with Susuan here..I know exactly how she felt at the time she heard it. It happends to me too. Autism has devestated my family for the past 15 years. Unless you have been thru it, you really do not know. The only other thing I can compare it to is serving in combat (constant stress, not sure if the future will get better or worse etc..) Autism's effects on child development is far-reaching. It presents parents and caregivers with formidable social, economic and moral challenges. Not using the word is the least you can do. I mean no one uses the words "groovy" or "swell" anymore. That does not make them politically-incorrect, doesn't it? Just so last century!!! So please find another word to make your point. Be articulate and a bit original.... Or is that to much to ask?

Compassion is better...

Holy Mother.

All I can say is, to some of you who want the word 'retard' bandied about to protect you from any spectre of human respect and civil society....

Well, you're first in line when *I* start using the word.

It's particularly scathing in my accent, too.

The dictionary states that this word can be used as a verb or a noun. As a noun, it is defined as "a holding back or a slowing down". The word retardation can be used as its synonym.

People have the right to use the English vocabulary. When a word is used in its proper context and definition, it is left to the listener's or reader's sole discretion on whether or not to be offended.

wow. i am shocked by the level of vitriol in these comments. what is the correlation of politics with a discussion of a word some people find hurtful? oh, yes, i forgot, republicans lack empathy. as a younger brother to a "retarded" woman, i used to find the word quite offensive myself, but after some years passed, i realized that the people who were using the word simply had no idea of the reality of the situation for countless people with mental and physical disabilities. this is not necessarily a reflection on their character, just their lack of experience. i have even used the word myself, in an attempt to somehow inoculate myself from taking offense to it. however, i challenge any of you unthinking (curse word) spouting your disgusting comments above to spend some time with a "retarded" person and see how much strength and dignity he or she has. a good sight more than someone who correlates the sincere feelings of human beings with some sort of liberal agenda bent on keeping you from your ignorance. be ignorant all you want, you just make yourself look stupid, selfish and small. a great deal smaller than those you mock.

I love how people like you think the whole world should walk on tiptoes just because you don't like something.
In a rational world kids such as yours would be supported solely by their parents, no tax money or special accomadations.
Looking at this problem as you want us to is frankly, retarded.

Thank you, Susan, for this wonderful, thoughtful essay! We parents of people with disabilities, especially autism, are fortunate to have you applying your marvelous writing and thinking skills to our lives and those of our children and families.

Martha Ziegler, Founder
Federation for Children with Special Needs

I grew up in a family that is so far to the right in its values that they would make John McCains' pick for VP look like a liberal. My mom and dad taught me to never say anything in public that would be viewed as hurtful to another person.
People who are tired of the PC crowd act like PC is some liberal attempt to force tolerance in a diverse world. My parents taught me and my siblings to be careful with our words in public because it reflected on our family.
What were our family values? To respect others in our lives, to do anything less was to show that we our family had no class (and this has nothing to do with how much money our family had).
Thank you for a fine article.
I won't comment on those who made negative comments here, my mom will be after me if I do.

Remember the word special? It used to have a fairly good connotation from what I can tell. Then we decided to use the word to describe people with severe mental and physical abnormalities. Guess what? now it has just about the same connotation as retard. It really proves a retard by any other name is still a retard.

Trying to stop people from using a word to describe people like that is a waste of time. The best you can hope for from that is a shell game where people make up a new name for retards every decade or so and use it in the same way. What you should be doing is trying to convince people that retards are good people too.

You will not do this by offending anyone who thinks otherwise, which you clearly did with this poor girl. Shaming people publicly is a sure fire way to make them hate retards even more. Now, at best, she thinks of retards as being something so horrible they should never be mentioned. If you instead befriended her and let her meet your son, than maybe you would have made a little progress towards your goal.

This column is retarded, much like your posting.

That was a beautifully written article. I couldn't agree more. Thank you.

i read your article and was made to think.. so thank you.. first i have met many people like the young man you have described as well a s many self described "genius" some of them with advanced degrees who most likely werent as useful in real life as him... but i'm not sure the answer is to make words the bad guys or the problem...as an artist i feel its the intent and way anything is used as to whether it is appropriate for the circumstance or cruel and petty. .. the word retaarded i would imagine evolved as a scintfic discriptin or generalization something i think they call developementally delayed which fundamentally means the same thing but sounds a little better. as for the young lady she was trying to describe herself in your example and it would seem she has some self esteem issues that chastising really did'nt do anything to alleviate. we need accurate discriptive words in life i myself have a disability. .. disability is not a bad word and it actually helps people to understand my actual efforts in thier real light at times as the young man would not have his due understood unless other people like yourself understood the fact that he was quite exceptional given the circumstances he was given in life. just as the young lady with the poor self esteem who was only trying to accuratrely describel how she felt about herself possibly. we would live in a more kind owrld in reality if people plainly but polite said and described things acurately . how many times do people simply refuse to look at someone in a wheelchair simply because they are afraid of nmaking thim uncomfortable but in reality nothing makes the person more uncomfortable than people pretending like they are not really there. wheelchirs and homelesssness make people invisible in our polite society. please correct your behavior bfore whipping up on someone else who is just as helples as your freind... i just said that to see how you would feel if i just treated you like you treated her of coarse i have no right or duty to chastise you. i am not your father or parent.. tolerence understanding and actually listening to others to what they are saying and why would maybe make interactions between people easier and more fruitful maybe

JFRSFO:

I'm sorry. With your education and understanding of language I would have thought you got it.

It sounds like the author's frustration stems from the fact that people (such as this girl on the beach) use retard or retarded when referring to people or behaviors completely unrelated to those with cognitive disabilities. When people generally use that word they aren't thinking or referring to those with true disabilities and the use of it in no means indicates that the speaker is not aware that many disabled people are very capable in the workforce, etc.

I understand the wish that retarded be used exclusively for those with true disabilities, but since that isn't likely, it might be worth wondering why hearing the word causes such a viscreal reaction in you.

diebrucke:

I wonder if your son agrees with you, or will agree with you in the future. I have cerebral palsy and seizure disorder. My mother would frequently use the R word to encourage me not to be spastic, distracted, or slur my speech. I am now 52, hold a masters and a CPA, and a published poet and author. I still find myself habitually trying to prove to others and myself that I am not cognitively disabled. This is the legacy of my mother's caring coaching. She didn't know better -- now you do.

KUROS.
"harmless slip on the girl's part."????

Probably not. More likely the remark of a self-centered, inconsiderate brat whose parents never taught her the proprieties of civilized people. Lots of those around the malls, beaches and bars, aren't there?

Yes, I too am an anti-PC freak. She had the right to say it - but not the class to know enough NOT to say it.

I'm having a harder time with this than I would have thought. I use the word in ordinary discourse but have never meant it to mean impaired. I realize that can't be the end of it. I hear people say "That is so gay!" and know they don't mean homosexual, yet I'm uncomfortable because some (but not all) gay friends in the past have told be that context doesn't matter when a word that describes them is used negatively even out of context. I'm black and would recoil -- perhaps violently -- if anyone developed an alternative, ostensibly inoffensive meaning for a black slur. Why am I having such trouble getting rid of "retard?"

I know any number of people with cognitive impairments. I suspect part of it is that, while I know people with cognitive impairments, I purposely don't talk to them about the subject because I assume they would be embarassed/offended by my even raising the fact of their impairment.

Does that mean I'm more able to rationalize giving myself a free pass? Maybe, maybe not, but one question at a time.

So here's a real question for those who know: What, in your experience, would the reaction be if I initiated the issue of using the word "retarded" with cognitively impaired people I know/don't know?

Words only have power if you let them. In a free society one should expect to be offended on a daily basis. One only needs to read the comment spaces to understand that there are alot of retards out here.

I have a son with Downs and I will call him a retard sometimes when he does something silly - with a smile on my face. He understands what the word means but it's lost its power, like when black folks use the "N" word colloquially with one another. He usually replies back, "loser" while shaping an "L" with his hand. He's right.

I am an aunt of a Down Syndrome man. He's now 54, and my sister (now deceased) used to get irate when someone called or referred to a "retard" I know exactly what your talking about! He works 5 days a week, Leaves the house @ 7AM gets home @ 5PM, and travels 30 miles each way. Has a positively great work ethic.

bob j wrote:
"hey lady,1st amendment,get over it ,roll with the punchs lifes cruel."

Hey bob - do you "bob"? You must be pretty good at bobbing.

1st amendment,get over it ,roll with the punchs lifes cruel.

The offense in RE-tard is not in shifting the accent. That's normal English practice for turning a verb into a noun (conflict, reject, compound). It's using a noun rather than an adjective to classify a person. I don't mind being called "crippled" but I don't want to be called "a cripple." The adjective allows one to use a noun such as man, citizen, lawyer, to put me in a meaningful category for the context, and the adjective further identifies me. The noun simply puts me in a category as if it were an adequate description of who I am - all you need to know. It's this sense, I think, that causes people to over-delicately refer to "a Jewish person" rather than a "Jew," deep down feeling that there's something wrong with being a Jew.

We have need to refer to people who are, as we have long said euphemistically, retarded. The euphemism has worn out and its meaning co-opted. I would really like to know what to say. "Special needs people" really doesn't say anything. What's often derided as PC is usually just exercise of common decency. I'd like to know what would be polite, but still descriptive.

A slogan? How 'bout 'Retarded? Don't you wish you were?'

Susan Senator's snivel piece is a useful reminder too of that other non-PC slogan: 'You don't have to be stupid to be a liberal but it helps.'

hey lady,1st amendment,get over it ,roll with the punchs lifes cruel.

my god im tired of this PC nation we have to live in. Since when do people think they have a freedom to not be offended. You have to sit back and think about things before you get offended. When this person was telling her friend she was "retarded" do you think she meant literally she was mentally handicapped or wanted to make fun of the handicapped? no. Just as if I was to say to a friend " dude, your gay", do you think that i literally think hes gay , or have some kind of hatred towards homosexuals. Offense should be taken at the meaning of the words being used. If they are being used with hatred than ofcoarse you should take offense. Im tired of the word police going around. Do you realize that there is one word out there no matter how tame it is that will offend someone.... its time to stop looking at the words we use, and instead look at the intent of the words.

I can't help wondering if Ms. Senator would cringe and intervene if she'd overheard the young woman saying "....that is so GAY!"

Thoughtful column. I like your slogan!

j o:

Do retarded people even understand the word retard to be offensive? Are they even capable of such comprehension? Can a blind person be offended by pornographic images or a deaf person by offensive speech?

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Retarded is not a synonym for deaf. So a retarded person can sense when the word "retard" is used in their face as an insult.

how about this slogan "Retarded, its more than just a bad haircut"

Do retarded people even understand the word retard to be offensive? Are they even capable of such comprehension? Can a blind person be offended by pornographic images or a deaf person by offensive speech?

If the word "retard" is hurled as an insult at a person who is retarded, then it IS an insult and the retarded person has a right to feel hurt. But if it is used in other contexts without actually addressing it to a retarded person or meaning a retarded person, it is no different from using the words - moron, idiot, dumb-dodo, fool, stupid, nincompoop, etc - in any number of harmless contexts.

Don't worry. Our initial thought on meeting Nat may be "Retarded." But it doesn't end there.

This piece conflates various vices associated with ignorance of the mentally impaired to such a degree that any message is lost. What does using the word "retarded" have to do with understanding the complexity of an individual? The young woman's use of the word retarded does not reflect an implicit idea that the mentally impaired are interchangeable or worthless. She was not reducing any person, or group of people, to a single trait. It's a dangerous game to try to extrapolate someone's motives out a single phrase taken out of any context.

A person who casually exclaims "How could I be so blind?" is not demonstrating a lack of sensitivity towards the visually impaired. She is making an analogy between failing to realize something and blindness. That statement does not imply that the visually impaired make those kinds of mistakes. It is even more ridiculous to suggest that that statement reduces the visually impaired to a single trait. "How could someone use that word without understanding how much more to a person there is?" is a poor justification for attacking a word. This same complaint could be levied against any adjective, including ones that have nothing to do with misunderstood groups.

I'm sure there is a real misunderstanding about the role that mentally retarded individuals can play in a society and the values they can possess. The word "retard" has nothing to do with this misunderstanding in the context the author described.

Ms. Senator further confuses her message with her comment that people use the term by "spit[ting] it out like it's poison in their mouths." Save for this paragraph, her point is that people use the term "retard" casually without thinking about what it really means. I'm sure the term "retard" could be very insulting when its used as an invective. This is not the case when people use it to say something like "Oh, I'm so retarded." I doubt the young woman spat the term out like poison in her mouth to describe what was probably a mental lapse she committed earlier in the day.

"Retard" is a poor word because its so inarticulate. It's not clear what the speaker means by it without context. In certain contexts, it can be a cruel insult. In others it is harmless. And surely the multidimensional layers of any human being can never be encapsulated in a single word or idea. This article makes a mess of these ideas. Words are powerful. Words both reflect and shape our outlook. This piece fails to adequately explore the relationship of the word "retard" to mentally impaired individuals. Half-baked diatribes like these give political correctness a bad name.

Susan, I'm a little late getting into this conversation, but I say, Good on you. I am so sick of hearing comments like this. I work with children and adults with disabilities and to our staff it is as offensive as the 'n' word is to people of color.

I wonder what is wrong with people that think using hurtful words like this is ok. You did that young lady a favor by pointing out the hurtful nature of the word. Stick to your guns, you were right to say something.

HUGE difference here guys between a group of people (commies, left-handed, baptists, whatever group you want to throw stones at this week) who presumably could stand up and talk back for themselves, and the developmentally disabled who lack the ability to do so. Does not exonerate picking on someone's social values, but come on, picking on the defenseless is pretty low.

Susan,

I am normally suspicious of self-styled anti-PC conservatives -- most of them are bigots posing as dissidents or free-thinkers.

However, I tend to agree with them this time. One of my kids has Down Syndrome and, like you, I cringe when I hear people use words like "RE-tard." But come on, the girl on the beach was just being a kid. You didn't have to single her out for ambarrassment or humiliation.

That said, the rest of your post was great.

Bruce

Ms. Senator points to a personal concern but what she says has a deeper meaning - never reduce anyone to one letter. Our politics and our world would be better if we stopped trying to reduce people we don't agree with to one letter. E.g. L (liberal) N (Nazi) C (Commie) M (Muslim) J (Jew) F (facist). Nothing in this world can be reduced to the simplicity of one letter. What is the letter for the solution to Palestine, Iraq, Korea, Georgia, Afghanistan etc.? Not one letter? How can we reduce people to one letter? I am the whole alphabet and none of the things you would guess those letters stand for. So why do we try to reduce others to ?-word????

Ms. Senator, may God continue to take care of you and your family. I can see that He certainly delivered your son to the right family.

I know another family who has a special needs autistic son, and they just love him endlessly. Only another parent can appreciate that incredibly special bond. I truly hope that Governor Palin will win, if only to highlight that autistic children are just as special as any other child.

As ignorant as using the word 'retarded' probably is, it was a harmless slip on the girl's part.

You came off as obnoxious and intrusive.

Well, to be a little fair, (And I agree the term's often been and still is used as derogatory of the cognitively-impaired, and that cheeses me off, and always has,) there's been some drift on the word as a slang term... some folks who would never be mean to an ID person will say 'retard' or 'retarded' to refer to someone who's willfully-ignorant.

Just like *most* of our words for stupidity or people being stupid once were used in the same manner as 'retard,' but the linkage has faded.

This word may be going the same way, not that I encourage its use.

Yes Susan, I'll worry about that particular sensitvity (of yours) once I'm assured that you are worrying about every group that is portrayed or referred to negatively.

WILL THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS POLICE NEVER STOP?????