God Loves Smart People
On Faith is publishing selections from David Plotz’s Blogging the Bible, a series that’s been running over at our sister publication Slate. Read why Plotz started blogging the Bible here.
From: David Plotz
Subject: David Mamet's Favorite Bible Story
Posted Monday, May 22, 2006, at 6:37 PM ET
Genesis Chapter 25 and Chapter 26
The middle of Chapter 25 announces: "This is the story of Isaac." Except it's not; the "story of Isaac" is actually the stories of Rebekah, Esau, and Jacob—of everyone but him. As a child, he vanished after Abraham didn't sacrifice him. Now, as an adult, he's still a cipher—the Harpo Marx of Genesis. During the long chapter about Abraham's effort to find a wife for Isaac, the groom himself doesn't say a word. He's a bit part in his own marriage—he shows up only in the last couple of verses of the chapter, to silently escort his bride Rebekah home. After Esau and Jacob are born, he again disappears as his sons take the limelight. Practically all we hear about Isaac is that he preferred Esau to Jacob, because Esau was a hunter and Isaac "had a taste for game."*
The Lord appears to Isaac only once—compare this with Abraham, who was chatting with God daily. And when He does appear to this minor-league patriarch, it's clear that Isaac doesn't really matter to him. God promises Isaac prosperity, but not on account of anything Isaac has done—only because his father Abraham had obeyed the Lord.
(Isaac doesn't even get to think up his own tricks. He and Rebekah pull exactly the same "she's my sister" ruse on King Abimelech that Abraham and Sarah pulled on both Abimelech and the Pharaoh.)
Chapter 27
Jacob is so perplexing—a favorite of God's who appears to have no moral compass, no filial feeling, and the heart of a con artist. Earlier, Jacob wheedled the birthright out of his older twin Esau in exchange for a bowl of pottage. In this chapter, Rebekah and her favorite son, Jacob, con Isaac into giving Jacob the blessing that belongs to Esau. In the beginning of the story, Jacob is reluctant to help his mother scam the blind and dying Isaac, though not for ethical reasons—he just fears he will get caught and "bring a curse" upon himself. But Rebekah, the original Lady Macbeth, urges him on. She shushes him, and tells him, "Just do as I say." She cooks goat stew for Jacob to give Isaac, since Esau was supposed to bring meat to his father. She comes up with the idea of covering Jacob's hands and neck with goat skins, so he would be as hairy as Esau. Jacob warms to the fraud as it continues, eagerly playing the role of Esau. When Isaac asks him how he hunted down the animals for the stew so quickly, Jacob cavalierly invokes God with his lie: "Because the Lord your God granted me good fortune." Isaac, believing Jacob to be Esau, gives him his grand blessing—making him master over his brothers and promising him wealth and power. And when Esau returns, there are no backsies. In a heartbreaking moment, poor, innocent, stupid Esau weeps and begs, "Bless me, too, Father!" But Isaac can't undo his blessing to Jacob and can only give Esau a lame substitute benediction instead. Esau vows to kills Jacob after Isaac dies.
This story is enthralling and troubling for several reasons. First, I don't think I've ever read anything that's so grim on the relationship of brothers as this first half of Genesis. Cain and Abel, Ham, Shem, and Japheth, Isaac and Ishmael, Esau and Jacob, and soon Joseph and his brothers. The relationship of brothers is purely antagonistic: They battle for inheritance, for God's love, for their father's respect. They conspire against each other, narc on each other, murder each other. There's not a single act of love or kindness between brothers so far. Brothers are only enemies. Was nomadic life so difficult that only one son in any family could hope to prosper?
And if brothers are bad, women are worse. The blessing story is a reminder of just how uncharitable the Bible is toward women, who have so far been either invisible, foolish, or vindictive. Think about the women so far: Eve, suckered by the serpent. Noah's wife doesn't even get a name. Sarah is tricky (pretends to be Abraham's sister), capricious (sends Hagar to Abraham, then rages about it), and cruel (exiles Hagar and Ishmael). Lot's wife dies because she can't refrain from looking back. Lot's daughters rape him. And Rebekah hoodwinks her husband and punishes her older son. I suppose you could argue that Rebekah, with her icy Machiavellian cunning, is a woman to be proud of. She seizes power from her husband and dominates her sons. She controls every scene she's in. She's vivid, if not good.
Her fierce intelligence raises another point about the story. God doesn't suffer fools gladly. It's clear that Esau's chief failing is that he's dumb. He loses his birthright because he's impatient for lunch, and loses his blessing because he's not smart enough to recognize that Jacob might steal it. Jacob and Rebekah, for all their faults, are smart. Abraham, Rebekah, and Jacob—the three great brains of Genesis so far—get what they want—and earn God's blessing—because they finagle, cajole, argue, deceive, play mind games, and even use God to advance their lies. And the Lord seems to love it.
This may explain Genesis' ambivalent attitude toward Isaac. He may be sick and blind, but he's still feckless. Isaac is at the heart of two of the Bible's most vivid stories. As a child he is almost sacrificed, and as a dying man, he is tricked by Jacob and Rebekah. In each story he is the passive victim. He never speaks up for himself: He doesn't chastise his father or punish his son. He's easily gulled by Jacob and manipulated by his wife. All the while, he appears just to want a simple life, eating meat. He's the accidental patriarch. Is it any surprise that God—and the author of Genesis—is so much more interested in Abraham and Jacob?
Chapter 28
Jacob dreams of a stairway reaching up to the sky, with angels climbing up and down. So, that's the famous "Jacob's ladder." Hmm. I don't understand why this has resonated so profoundly in the world.
God appears to Jacob in the dream and makes him an even better promise than He did to Abraham and Isaac. Not only will his descendants be everywhere, as He also offered Abraham and Isaac—God also makes this very personal commitment to Jacob: "Remember, I am with you: I will protect you wherever you go and will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
My wife and I have many evangelical Christian friends, and one thing that strikes me about them is that they have this Jacobian sense of God's interest in their lives. Like Jacob, they feel that God/Christ is with them, and that God/Christ will not leave until He has done what He has promised them. But I don't know any Jews who feel this way (or at least who talk this way). The Jews I know don't act or talk as if they have a personal relationship with God. They pray to God and feel that God works in the world, but not that God takes a personal interest in them. (Of course it could be that I am friends with the wrong group of Jews.) Do Christians have more of this Old Testament sense of God acting in everyday life than Jews do? If so, why?
Chapter 29 and Chapter 30
The Big Love chapters: Jacob courts Rachel, but his uncle Laban foists Rachel's sister on him instead. Jacob works the extra seven years and marries Rachel, too. The sisterly rivalry between Leah and Rachel makes Cain and Abel seem rather mild by comparison. It is full of backstabbing and envy. Jacob starts fathering sons left and right with Leah. This makes barren Rachel despondent, so she dispatches her maid Bilhah to Jacob. Then Leah's maid Zilpah gets into the act with a couple of sons, then Leah again, and finally Rachel herself gives birth to Joseph. The two greatest moments in the rivalry: First, the mandrake incident, which echoes the story of Esau and the pottage: Leah sells still-childless Rachel some mandrakes—a tomatoey kind of fruit with aphrodisiac powers, according to Etz Hayim. In exchange, Rachel has to give Leah a night with Jacob. Leah, who seemed to be barren after bearing four sons, gets pregnant again. The other moment: When Rachel's maid bears a son, Rachel gloats, "A fateful contest I waged with my sister; yes, and I have prevailed."
The last half of Chapter 30 is spectacular entertainment. Two all-time great tricksters—Jacob and his father-in-law, Laban—cross and double-cross each other. Laban had yoked 14 years of work from Jacob to court his two daughters. Jacob wants to strike out on his own, and it's payback time. As payment for his years of service, Jacob asks for all the streaked and spotted goats and sheep. Laban agrees, but then secretly removes all the streaked and spotted animals from his flocks. Jacob, realizing he has been fooled, tricks Laban right back, selecting out the healthier animals and breeding them to be streaked and spotted, and leaving the feebler animals for Laban. It's like a David Mamet movie. (Jacob's eugenic breeding scheme, incidentally, relies on a bit of nonsensical animal husbandry.)
Correction, May 23, 2006: The piece originally stated that Jacob "had a taste for game." It was his father, Isaac, who had the taste for game. Return to the corrected sentence.
David Plotz is Slate's acting editor. He is the author of "The Genius Factory: The Curious History of the Nobel Prize Sperm Bank." You can email him at plotzd@slate.com
By David Plotz |
June 7, 2007; 9:49 AM ET
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Posted by: fubyx mxgrdbp | September 21, 2007 12:10 AM
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D.Dave,
First the bad wine (OT GOD, SATAN, THE EVIL SIDE OR WRATH OF GOD), and then the good.
The OT God or yawhey was evil and is the dark side of God.
Jesus christ is the love or light or good side.
Remember the two tree's.
The bible is one interwoven metaphor specifically designed for 144K throughout all time to comprehend.
To all others it is jibberish.
Posted by: jibberish. | June 12, 2007 1:28 PM
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David,
Thanks for all of your efforts over on Slate. I have enjoyed reading your posts over the past year. I find Biblical analysis to be quite interesting and I thank you for your contribution in that field.
Even as a child I found the Bible to be strange and hard to believe. I do believe in Christ and his philosophy of love and helping out those who are less fortunate....but the OT, man it creates WAY more questions than answers, IMO. I do not doubt that there is a "higher power (God if you will)" but the OT does not portray the ALL-KNOWING, OMNIPOTENT, MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE in a very flattering light. He/She is portrayed as being often times petty, mean and destructive to the innocents (read for yourself). It simply does not add up much of the time. I could go on and on.
Anyway...in short:
Thanks again for your writings. Best of luck to you and your family....God bless
Posted by: D. Dave | June 10, 2007 3:30 AM
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I find your analysis very interesting and informative. I really can't understand how people can read something as irrational as the Bible and believe it. Then on top of that, given the mean, vindictive, brutal God it portrays I can't understand how people would think that God is worthy of being held up and worshipped. But then I read some of the morons and idiots who post their meaningliess, irrational gibberish on these blogs and then I understand that such people do exists --- if they believe and understand their own nonsense and think it is worthy of merit, then this is the pool of fools from which the regions of the world gain there followers.
Thanks again for your excellent analyis.
Posted by: aNON | June 9, 2007 2:52 PM
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Satan's children are wiser then the children of the Light (Jesus' flock)....
Luke 16:8
And the lord commended the unjust steward, because he had done wisely: for the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 8, 2007 9:14 AM
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"The bolshevik Revolution in russia was the work of Jewish planning and Jewish dissatisfaction. Our Plan is to have a New world Order. what worked so wonderfully in Russia, is going to become Reality for the whole world." -- The American Hebrew Magazine, 10, Sept. 1920
Hammar, chief Zionist money raiser, said, 'When the blood flows,
the money flows.'"
(Lawrence Mosher, National Observer, May 18, 1970)
"Israel won the war [WWI]; we made it; we thrived on it;
we profited from it. It was our supreme revenge on Christianity."
(The Jewish Ambassador from Austria to London, Count Mensdorf, 1918)
"Zionism was willing to sacrifice the whole of
European Jewry for a Zionist State. Everything was done to
create a state of Israel and that was only possible through a
world war. Wall Street and Jewish large bankers aided the war
effort on both sides. Zionists are also to blame for provoking
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(Joseph Burg, The Toronto Star, March 31, 1988).
"I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it"...Voltaire
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- Dr. Kurt Munzer, The Way to Zion.
"There is much in the fact of Bolshevism (Communism) itself, in the fact that so many Jews are Bolshevists, in the fact that the ideals of Bolshevism at many points are consonant with the finest ideals of Judaism."
- The Jewish Chronicle, April 4, 1919.
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Posted by: Italicplace | June 7, 2007 11:19 PM
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"In terms of Christians, I think you are referring primarily to evangelical Christians who claim to see god’s constant handiwork everywhere. I think it stems from the belief in a personal god that sprang from the foundations of the Protestantism Reformation."
Frankly, what I think freaks Protestants out is the idea that 'God everywhere' doesn't actually necessarily refer back to that book in any cogent way. :)
Hence much counter-scientific self-and-other-deception about the nature of, umm, nature, as well as reality in general, in order to preserve an idea of a 'literal truth' of a Book that is sometimes justified in people's minds by ...being awed at Nature.
Sort of an idea that, 'I am awed by nature, therefore the Bible is true, but if someone is awed by Nature and doesn't look to the Bible, then the same experence is a deception of the 'Devil.'
I have this random wacky idea of 'Hey, you know, a lot of Jews take this book thing seriously, and do it well, and actually usually manage to not derive stupid things from it.'
A few Greek guys who apparently couldn't quite figure out Aristotle stealing the idea and trying to conquer Europe with it... Well, that didn't work out so well.
How about:
a) Stop blaming the Jews for what happened after someone *stole their sacred stuff, and tried to turn it into something else...*
and
b) Stop expecting that to fly in cultural contexts where it *clearly don't work.*
Even if you force it.
One thing that has always impressed me about learned Jewish ...theologians...
They know what to do with a book like that.
Shouldn't take too much observation of Western civilization, or a forum like this, to see...
We.
Don't.
Bad idea.
Much grief and misunderstanding.
Sorry!
But.
Listen.
Our 'civilization' took this on.
Sometimes I think all the anti-Semitism comes from some nagging idea that 'listening to this book caused all the trouble in the first place.'
Caused pain and strife and war and oppression.
I think it did.
But that's not the fault of Jews. Someone *stole* that stuff. And tried to apply it *totally out of context.*
In the words of some Disney movie or other:
"You should not do magic you do not understand!'"
Get it?
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Posted by: lambert strether | June 7, 2007 9:26 PM
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Do Christians have more of this Old Testament sense of God acting in everyday life than Jews do? If so, why?
I’m Jewish, and like many other Jews, I’m an atheist. In fact, I find it hard to believe that any self-respecting Jew would be anything but an atheist. Some have said that Jews are the chosen ones. Chosen for what? Throughout history, Jews have suffered disproportionate persecution and misfortune. Many people believe in god, perhaps with an understanding that a close relationship with the lord may shield them somewhat from life’s misery and privations (Psalm 8: "What is man that thou are mindful of him?"). However, a strong religious belief hasn’t helped the Jews at all. In fact, everything points to the opposite. Why pray to a god who can’t or won’t deliver even a modicum of protection? Philosophically, I believe asking for god’s help only invites unwanted attention (Job 7: "What is man, that You make much of him … You inspect him every morning, examine him every minute. Will You not look away from me for awhile, let me be, till I swallow my spittle?"). Considering the mischief and mayhem that seems to follow god wherever he goes, god and I have a general understanding; I don't ask him for anything (one less thing on his very full plate) and he doesn't bother me. So far, it seems to have worked quite well.
In terms of Christians, I think you are referring primarily to evangelical Christians who claim to see god’s constant handiwork everywhere. I think it stems from the belief in a personal god that sprang from the foundations of the Protestantism Reformation.
Posted by: Maurie Beck | June 7, 2007 6:44 PM
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The Big Love chapters
This is another one of those instances in the bible where women are portrayed as sexually wanton and insatiable. The generic proverb "History is written by the winners" is appropriate here; the men being the winners. As such, Jacob can't help it if all the women come to him. In reality, he was an old goat shtupping everything that moved. I don't think his wives or their maids had much to say about it.
Below is an alternate version of Lot in and out of Sodom.
In Sodom, Lot is visited by angels and warned to get out before god destroys the town in fire and brimstone. Meanwhile, a gay mob shows up at his door and demands the angels for a gay train. Instead he hands over his virgin teenage daughters (a substitute for the angels) to placate the gay mob. This really pisses the mob off because they don’t want nubile young virgins, but randy gay angels they can have depraved sex with. Unfortunately for the gay mob, these are not randy gay angels, and are thus smoted. After some prodding by the angels to make haste, Lot flees Sodom with his family to avoid the coming destruction.
According to Genesis 19:26, on the way out of town, God turned his wife into a pillar of salt for looking back toward Sodom. What I always wanted to know was how Lot knew that his wife got turned into a pillar of salt, if she was following behind him like any good dutiful wife. The only way he would have known is if he had turned around too, yet he managed to escape her fate.
I think what actually happened was that when his wife complained outside of town about having to leave the cozy village of Sodom, Lot probably clobbered her with a big rock of salt and then said god did it. Most likely, his wife liked Sodom because all the men were into having gay sex and basically left her alone. Her husband obviously left her alone too, because she was an old hag.
After having clobbered his wife, he impregnates his daughters because they got him drunk and took advantage of him in a cave. In reality, Lot, even though he was a god-fearing man, now had two beautiful virgin teenage daughters instead of an ugly old wife. If his daughters did get him drunk, it was probably so that he would fall asleep and leave them alone. Instead he was probably one mean-ass drunk who self-medicated to keep the demons at bay that apparently afflicted the lineage of Abraham with mental illness. Not only was the lineage schizo, but their god was too. (e.g. Abraham almost barbequed his son because god told him to in order to test his love for god. Moses is plagued by a god who loves him and then tries to kill him, gives him visions of burning bushes, laws, a bad sense of direction, and finally discourses on what to do to non-believers).
Regardless, Lot was going to have his way and history is written by the victors; i.e. his daughters got him drunk and took advantage of him. I’d like to see how that defense would fly in a modern court of law.
Lot. "But your honor, they got me drunk and took advantage of me."
The Judge, looking incredulous, asks, "How old are your daughters, sir?"
Lot. "Well, you know how young teenagers are, they are wanton and can't be controlled. Besides, they are pretty girls, don't you think, and virgins, not like their mother, that old hag. Perhaps if you spent some time with them, they might change your mind?"
The judge furrows his brow, thinks a moment, then says, "I'll take it under advisement. Send the young girls into my chambers, so that I may more thoroughly know their intentions.
Posted by: Maurie Beck | June 7, 2007 6:20 PM
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The spirit of wisdom and revelation is upon us, for they have come and said, we will come and give them peace in the midst of turmoil, we will come and give them an honorable name and we will cast aside their name of doubt and give them a name of God. For the spirit of the Lord is strong now and they shall open the doors to there cities and I say to you will you now come and give me a resting place, will you not come and serve in my army, will you cast aside all the things that are hindering you from Messiah? For he is the True Shepherd and I will give you a light, I will bring it to the house of David, even to the house of Judah. I will send angels to the house of the anointed, for there are many in this nation that needs purging and I said, there will be great rains and winds and great waves and the fire of God will come with it." For I have heard the cries of the desperate in Africa, I shall give them refuge in the hands of the refugees. There are many who are weeping, who are being held back and I tell you do not worry any longer, for worry is not from Me. Come to Me and I will give you peace, for I have given you a heart of righteousness and I am pouring out my blessings to those who call on the name of the Lord. For those who call on the name of the Lord can knock down spiritual strongholds! Listen now to this says the Lord, I am arising Fidel Castro for a brief time, and then his time will come abrupt and you will see an out breaking of the Holy Spirit in Cuba again! Even in DC this nation has been divided for too long, I will not allow this nation to be divided this long. Now is time for the people of God to arise and be the voice in this nation! I have told you that if you follow the commands of the Lord and you are obedient to me, you will be victorious. I told you that I will fight with you I will be on your side, you shall take strongholds. For even in DC the police are looking to capture those who have marked the six figured shape, and I tell you that I am coming first! I shall give you hope and prosperity if you come to me. And you will see the prisons in DC less filled for I am sending preachers to the prisoners for when there time is up they will leave as changed people and there families will say, who is this man? I have told you that there are many today who are living on dry ground and I tell you now be ready for the rain! For I am about to bring you an abundance of rain and You will smell the flowers and you will know that this is the sign of my fragrance as I bring life to the ground. I am not finished with you yet, I am placing you on my potter's wheel and I am molding you and making you as I did Isaiah America, and you will see the dreams that I have given you come to pass in My timing! For I have said, there are many with the wheat and the tares and the people cannot tell the difference, but I tell you I have already marked what is mine. For I know the stars are Abraham's descendants, and they will follow the chief cornerstone and they will live with an inheritance. I am preparing the harvest and I tell you watch as China awakens, and even today as Russia is playing a manipulation game, we are playing it with America, and the game that we are playing in Iran is our source of confidence. Listen says the Lord, even in the satellites the message shall go to the Middle East, and I will protect the shepherds in Saudi palaces. They will see a new movie about Isa the one who Mohammed had a holy fear about, and they will have to make a decision about the resurrection. And I tell you that many will come forth and receive the Injil accounts of Christ. I have plans for Israel. and I tell you do you not know that my time table is in Jerusalem? I tell you that this is not a war of flesh but a jihad of the Spirit. Even now I have placed in the heart of Bill Gates something special, a double portion of creativity, and I tell you that there is a house tonight that is full of fire I am in this house tonight, and on the seventh day when Joshua marched around Jericho, I tell you that your strongholds shall fall to the ground by the earthquake. And I will establish a new kingdom on earth where Messiah reigns and they shall serve the Lord from Jerusalem on high. And just as Joseph's brother's did not recognize him, I tell you says the Lord, that when I return every knee will bow and every tongue will confess, but there will be great celebration for the house of Jacob, For when they see Christ, they will say as they said to Joseph, we though you were dead, but now we see you are alive and that you our salvation. Now we know how Abraham felt when he was asked to sacrifice his son. And the Torah is fulfilled through your power and glory. The Presence of the Lord is here, the presence of the Lord is here for this day!
Posted by: Joshua Udell | June 7, 2007 5:34 PM
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Do Christians have more of this Old Testament sense of God acting in everyday life than Jews do? If so, why?
Well, I didn't see an answer from any of the Christians out there to this question, so, I thought as I Christian, I would attempt to respond. The New Testament (from a Christian persective) reveals the Old Testament, so both are considered one book. The New Testament states that those who receive Christ, are a new creation and that Christ's Spirit lives in them. So, Christian's can talk directly to God/Lord/Christ all the time, just like Moses talking to God. The New Testament also says God is profoundly interested in us and our welfare, since he even knows how many hairs we have on our head. There is much more, but I think this answers your basic question. Your article is very interesting because you are taking an honest approach to looking at the word. I look forward to more of your articles
Posted by: Randy | June 7, 2007 5:14 PM
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That is some of the most creative senselessness I've ever seen.
Posted by: jose joe | June 7, 2007 3:45 PM
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What is the point of reviewing this medieval mythology here?
Posted by: B-Man | June 7, 2007 2:26 PM
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Hi, Brother Jacob! How art thou?
Live is good here, I hope the same for you! Write to me when you get a chance!
Blessed be ECLATi-ONs!
Posted by: Gaby | June 7, 2007 12:48 PM
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Gaby,
I second that.
Posted by: Andrea | June 7, 2007 11:59 AM
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Dear Mr. Plotz,
I really get a kick out of you blogs. They are highly entertaining.
Posted by: Gaby | June 7, 2007 10:53 AM
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