When I was growing up, internalizing the negative and hurtful attitudes of the church and the culture, I came to the altar to receive communion where time and time again, I heard the words, “The body of Christ, given for you.

The notion that God was for me, no matter what anyone else said about me, or, for that matter, what I thought about myself, became the light that eventually gave me the courage to come out of the closet as well as the strength to live with integrity in the church, even though it has meant disciplinary charges and possible removal from the clergy roster of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.

Lutherans have always grounded their proclamation in the bedrock announcement that God in Christ is for us and not against us. We are claimed by the grace of God and are set free to enter life as bold pilgrims on a journey to live faithfully without fear.

I have never been afraid that when all is said and done, even if I’ve been wrong on important issues, that God will not be for me. We are saved by grace through faith, not by our moral opinions.

Living without fear of losing the grace of God gives me great freedom to enter into debate on the profound moral issues of our time, recognizing that it’s the on-going conversation that’s most important. It even gives me the freedom to learn, to develop, and to change my mind as my faith grows.

What strikes me so often in the discussions about gay clergy and holy unions is that so many people seem so afraid: afraid that society is changing; afraid that congregations will leave the church; afraid that their children will grow up to be gay; afraid that God’s judgment is more lasting than God’s love; afraid that “traditional Christianity” is being lost.

I want to invite the church to take a deep breath and be reminded that the words spoken most often by Jesus are, “Don’t be afraid.” The world cannot lose the love of God, just as it cannot be devoid of God’s creative Spirit.

I believe that we are living in an age when God is doing a new thing just like the early days of Christianity when Gentiles, who would not follow some of the most honored rules in the Scripture, were called into the church because it was clear that the “Spirit was upon them.” The church in Acts decided that the presence of the Holy Spirit was more important than following ancient rules. In a dream, God told Peter,” What God has made clean, you must not call profane.” (Acts 10:15)

Consequently, I find holiness in many places but especially in my relationship with my partner. Our relationship teaches me on a daily basis that I’m called to live with tenderness and gentleness, with forgiveness and vulnerability. My commitment to him “for better and for worse” makes me more fully human, more deeply reflective of the image of God. Biblical principles of commitment, generosity, compassion, justice, forgiveness and tenderness have been the guideposts for our life together.

Put simply, I’m a better Christian because I’m with him. The longer we are together, the more deeply confident I am that our union is blessed in the sight of God. I long for the day when all people who find themselves in sexual minorities will be able to come to the church and hear words of grace and blessing spoken over their promises.

Bradley E. Schmeling is pastor of St. John's Lutheran Church in Atlanta. Last month, a denominational committee ruled Schmeling in violation of ELCA "Definitions and Guidelines for Discipline..." for ordained ministers for being in a sexual relationship with an adult male. The committee ordered that Schmeling be removed from the clergy roster of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, effective August 15, 2007.