“The idea in Hinduism is the transformation of sexuality into spirituality, that we can sublimate our sexual energy and use celibacy as a transformative power, into the creative fire. All yogis and gurus will say that. They are supposed to be celibate. It doesn’t happen often though. There are stories, dances and dramas of the greatest yogis being tempted by women.”

I spoke to Kakar by phone at his home in Goa while I was in New Delhi on a recent trip India. It was Valentine’s Day, a day in India that exemplified the very tension he was talking about. “Even in modern day India,” he said, “the tension still exists.”

Valentine’s Day is huge in India with hearts and flowers in shops, restaurants and hotels everywhere. The Hindustani Times, was full of stories about Valentine’s Day, not only about the celebrations but the protests. It seems the big meeting places for lovers on Valentine’s Day are the parks. However, a group of protesters called Shiv Sainiks or the Saffron brigade, had to be kept out of the parks by the police and the Students Federation of India. “We have formed 27 teams to take round of the city to take the side of the lovers,” said the president of the student federation, according to the paper.

Another group , Hindu Mahasabha “burnt effigies symbolizing the western culture” celebrating Valentine’s Day. One group raided a park and forced the lovers out. The paper also printed columns from readers pro and con Valentine’s Day. All of this in a country which has, as one of its most cherished monuments a temple in Khajuraho filled with couples in explicit sexual positions.

“Sex in the Hindu tradition,” Kakar said, “is supposed to be a part of life. But it is only for the household stage….Students are supposed to be celibate. Celibacy is a big virtue in Hinduism.” Also, after couples have grandchildren, “you are supposed to stop sexual practice and start thinking of your salvation,” he said. It is a great embarrassment to a Hindu couple-- no matter how young they still are--if the wife becomes pregnant after they have grandchildren, Kakar added, because it indicates that they are still having intimate relations.

Contrary to what many Westerners think, the Kamasutra is not really a sex manual at all but rather is about “the art of living,” according to Kakar and Doniger.” (Book Two is the chapter that intrigues most Westerners.) From the 3rd century, when it was written, until the 12th century, “eroticism had its greatest influence in Hinduism,” Kakar related. It was during that period that the temples of Khajuraho were built.

Even then, however, there was still tension between sexuality and celibacy, Kakar said. “Should one be celibate or should one celebrate sexuality? Though sexuality was celebrated, it was believed that one part of life has to be subordinated to spiritual life,” he noted.

Kakar likened this tension to the “fashion in early Christianity, to the beliefs of St. Teresa and St. Augustine. “Saint Teresa said that without passion one cannot come near God,” he said. “She is not necessarily referring to sex but it is implied. St. Augustine struggled with passion. He gave into his lust but finally gave it up. Christianity was anti-body and anti-sex. In Hinduism, sex has always had a role, though not in the way of most modern societies in the U.S. and the West, with their explicit magazines.”

According to Kakar, it was in the 5th and 6th century that tantric sex started in Hinduism. “Vajrajana was the tantric school of Buddhism where sublimation of sexuality into spirituality took the role of sexual intercourse as part of the religious ritual. “The idea was not to enjoy sex, not to have desire, to sublimate passion, to withhold. That was always there in Hindus and Buddhists.” Kakar says that modern day tantric sex has become something of a fad. “Let’s have sex and call it spiritual.”

Today in India, he says, tantric sex is considered immoral although there are still groups that practice it. “Groups of worshipers will do it in private houses in secret, he says. “Even though it is part of their religion it is a punishable offense. You can be put in jail.”

The psychoanalyst said that Mahatma Gandhi was well-known for his views that sex was only for procreation. He had four children but was always troubled by his own sexuality. “He felt that his spiritual and political powers would only come through celibacy,” Kakar said. “When in his 70’s he tried to stop the Hindus and Muslims from fighting. He felt he was not successful because of his sexuality. At nights he would lie down with two women to see if he could he could do it without passion.”

Kakar himself has been caught up in the tensions between religion and sexuality, authoring many books on the subject that have made him very controversial in India. Some people disapprove of what they believe is his introduction to India of Western ideas (He got his masters and doctorate degrees in Germany and has taught at Harvard). Others find his work emancipating.

Is he religious, I asked? “No I am an agnostic,” he replied. “But I have faith in these ideas. I would adhere to the notion that sexual fire is creative, not something to be easily trifled with. It shouldn’t be looked upon as other pleasures like having a drink…It is to be approached with seriousness and humility. This is the only transcendence that humans are capable of, that most of us will ever know, the only real transportive moment.”

Kakar said he believes that saints and mystics are capable of transcendence, the experience of being completely outside of yourself that most of us do not achieve.

And he said that most people can’t find transcendence all the time in sex. “All animals are sad after sex. It is because it has not happened, the surrender has not been possible. If you haven’t surrendered then it is not sex. Indiscriminate sex is not transcendent," he said. "It should be spiritual,” he added. “There should be laughter and enjoyment. To me that means not being confined or constrained. It should be an out-of-body, out-of-mind experience. It should be sacred.”