I designed this ceremony with and for friends. Who would not do everything one could for friends who are in love?
It is composed of elements from the wedding ceremonies of the Episcopal Church and of Reform Judaism (via Rabbi Judith Lewis). They are interwoven rather than blended -- not to make a hybrid religious entity but to honor each faith tradition.
A ceremony that manifested the presence of God in this couple’s relationship was important to both the bride and groom; our desire was to make that statement from both faith perspectives.
The hope was to make the ceremony familiar to each tradition so as to celebrate each in its own right, but to do so without causing offense to either. Thus the absence of references to Christ himself. Christians can recognize that in all prayers to God we believe Christ to be (at the least) included in that address. Combining that confidence with the recognition of familiar elements allows a Christian to "read" faith in Jesus into the ceremony.
Jewish listeners were able to hear all references to God in their own way, and recognize portions of their service without hearing them joined together with overt Christian claims. All Christian liturgies are derived from Jewish worship practices; all New Testament writings draw on the Jewish Scriptures; to celebrate a shared heritage is not to pit one against another, nor to let one supercede the other. Which, of course, is a reasonable hope for any marriage.
The goal was not to be wishy-washy, but to take a stand for faith itself, for the idea shared by Judaism and Christianity that God is love and therefore all human love is of God. An interfaith marriage therefore can be an opportunity to explore, with the couple, the fundamental appeals of these faiths without moving immediately to each faith’s competitive claims to ultimate truth.
Such claims in both traditions are human interpretations of divine revelations, and as such are subject to constant reinterpretation and challenge. This can be a fascinating line of inquiry for parties motivated by either disinterest or anxiety, but in the context of love it pales in comparison to the exploration of that love itself and its origin in divine love.
No worship service is perfect, but the imperfections themselves manifest the relationship of humans to God, of the limited and imperfect to the unlimited and perfect.
This ceremony was one couple’s effort to express their love and their hope for God’s grace in their lives. Its intermingling and sometimes uncomfortable juxtapositions express the same imperfections found in any relationship of human love that hopes to find its perfection in the divine.
The Celebration and Blessing of the Marriage of Lisa Miller and Charles John Rogers
March 16, 2002
The White Chapel
Grafton, Vermont
Introductory Remarks
Exhortation
Celebrant:
May all who have gathered here to share in the joy of this occasion
be blessed with peace and harmony, companionship and love.
May the one who is strong above all else,
the one who is blessed above all else,
the one who is great above all else,
bless this bridegroom and bride.
Dearly beloved, we have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation, and Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people.
The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God. Into this holy union Lisa Miller and Charles John Rogers now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, speak now, or else forever hold your peace.
The Declaration of Consent
Lisa, will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
Lisa: I will.
Charles, will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
Charles: I will.
Celebrant: Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?
Congregation: We will.
Celebrant: Let us pray.
O gracious and ever living God, you have created us male and female in your image: Look mercifully upon this man and this woman who come to you seeking your blessing, and assist them with your grace, that with true fidelity and steadfast love they may honor and keep the promises and vows they make. Amen.
A Reading from the Song of Solomon
Reader: Paul Braverman
My beloved spake, and said unto me,
Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For, lo, the winter is past,
the rain is over and gone;
the flowers appear on the earth;
the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land;
the fig tree putteth forth her green figs,
and the vines with the tender grape
give a good smell.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
Set me as a seal upon thine heart,
as a seal upon thine arm:
for love is strong as death;
jealousy is cruel as the grave:
the coals thereof are coals of fire,
which hath a most vehement flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can the floods drown it:
if a man would give
all the substance of his house for love,
it would be utterly condemned.
“Love Song “ – Rainer Maria Rilke
How can I keep my soul in me, so that
it doesn't touch your soul? How can I raise
it high enough, past you, to other things?
I would like to shelter it, among remote
lost objects, in some dark and silent place
that doesn't resonate when your depths resound.
Yet everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin's bow,
which draws one voice out of two separate strings.
Upon what instrument are we two spanned?
And what musician holds us in his hand?
Oh sweetest song.
The Homily
Song: “If I Should Lose You”
Soloist: Nancy Tompkins
The Marriage
Charles: In the Name of God, I, Charles, take you, Lisa, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
Lisa: In the Name of God, I, Lisa, take you, Charles, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
Celebrant: These wedding rings symbolize by their shape the continuity of your love and commitment through all the cycles of life that your marriage may hold. Bless, O Lord, these rings to be worn as signs of the vows by which this man and this woman have bound themselves to each other in covenant. Amen.
Lisa: Behold you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the Law of Moses and Israel.
Charles: Behold you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the Law of Moses and Israel.
Celebrant: Now that Lisa and Charles have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of rings, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, married in accordance with the laws of the State of Vermont and with the customs of the Jewish and Christian traditions. Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder. Amen.
Let us pray.
Eternal God, creator and preserver of all life: Look with favor upon the world you have made, and especially upon this man and this woman united before you today in Holy Matrimony. Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life, that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy. Give them grace, when they hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge their fault, and to seek each other’s forgiveness and yours. Make their life together a sign of hope to this broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair. Bestow on them, if it is your will, the gift and heritage of children, and the grace to bring them up to know you, to love you, and to serve you. Give them such fulfillment of their mutual affection that they may reach out in love and concern for others. Pour out the abundance of your blessing upon them, defending them from every enemy and leading them into all peace. Amen.
The Wine Ceremony
Celebrant: Judaism and Christianity both mark sacred occasions with wine, here to be shared by the new husband and wife as we pray that they will share all things from this day on with love and understanding.
The Seven Blessings
Blessed are you, Lord God, source of all creation, creator of the fruit of the vine, symbol of human joy.
Blessed are you, Lord God, source of all creation, all of whose creations reflect your glory.
Blessed are you, Lord God, source of all creation, creator of human beings.
Blessed are you, Lord God, source of all creation, who created man and woman in your image that they might live, love, and so perpetuate life.
We all rejoice as these two persons, overcoming separateness, unite in joy. Blessed are you, Lord God, who permits us to share in the joy of others.
May these lovers rejoice as did the first man and woman in the primordial Garden of Eden. Blessed are you, Lord God, source of joy for bride and groom.
Blessed are you, Lord God, source of all creation, who creates joy and gladness, bride and groom, rejoicing and song, pleasure and delight, peace and fellowship, understanding and love.
The breaking of the glass that Lisa and Charles have shared has many traditional explanations. It is tied to the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and the belief that no occasion of joy can be unmixed with sorrow since that destruction; it points to the fragility of the material world in contrast to the enduring nature of the spirit; it suggests that no one else can share what these two have shared. The practice, it would seem, resists a complete revelation, and thus points to the mystery of God and of love.
Celebrant, to Lisa and Charles:
The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.
The Lord lift up the light of his countenance upon you and give you peace.
Celebrant, to the congregation: The peace of the Lord be always with you.
Congregation: And also with you.
The bride and bridegroom may kiss.
-- Rev. Craig D. Townsend
Editor's Note: The author is Associate Rector, St. James' Church, New York.
