Whenever I become disillusioned with God, it's only a matter of time before I discover the inconvenient reality; that I'm actually disillusioned with myself. Which leads, of course, to the inevitable question: How can I possibly manage to confuse the two? Lately, I've come to the end of me. I can't write, my impossible homework load piles up as I procrastinate, and sleep deprivation and stress begin to take their toll on my physical health. This is life, but not the life infused with joy and freedom that I ought to be living.

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From my crow's-nest view in the café within the Borders overlooking Madison Square Garden, I sometimes watch the giant screen billboard flash upcoming events and attractions at the Garden. It’s a mind-boggling list: everything from The Cure to My Little Pony Live: World’s Biggest Tea Party. And…a church? World Changers International, pastored by Creflo A. Dollar, one of the faces of the "Prosperity Gospel."

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It's 1a.m. in the narrow booth of a chilly diner. Reruns of That ‘70s Show are playing muted in the background. Textbooks are sprawled open-face across the table in front of me; a mug of coffee, cold and forgotten, has been shoved off to the side. I am frustrated because I’d rather be finished with my assignments and in my bed at home, but I still savor the serenity of solitude and quiet.

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I'm bothered and can't put myself at ease. Saturday, as I made my weekly scavenge of the (still closing ) 6th Ave. Barnes & Noble, a guy approached me looking to find a kindred spirit (or one-night stand). Early on, he told me, "I can tell you're a very good, kind person."

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When you go to a seedling Christian liberal arts college planted in the basement of the Empire State Building and attempting to change the world, you come to expect incredulous media coverage. All the set-up lacks, after all, is a good punchline.

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By way of introduction, my name is Hope and I live in midtown Manhattan--at least during the school year. I am a non-denominational Christian, but prefer to characterize my faith as a relationship with Jesus Christ, cultivated by time spent in prayer and in reading of Scripture, as well, I suppose, as a sort of constant communion throughout every day.

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