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Shari Rabin

Shari Rabin

Chutzpah Chonicles

Shari Rabin is a junior at Boston University. Raised as a Conservative Jew in Wisconsin and Georgia, she is studying religion with a focus on religion in America, partially because she can't bring herself to choose just one religion to study. A young urban Jewess, Shari will record her observations and intellectual meanderings in her blog, The Chutzpah Chronicles. Close.

Shari Rabin

Chutzpah Chronicles

Shari Rabin is a junior at Boston University, where she is studying religion with a focus on religion in America. more »

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Chutzpah Chronicles

Interfaith Family Lessons

On the first day of my selective summer internship in Jewish studies, the seven participants went around the room to introduce ourselves and talk about our “Jewish backgrounds.” I went first, sort of unsure as to what the latter meant. I briefly mentioned my Conservative upbringing and then carried on with my introduction. As the other interns took their turns, I realized that I wasn’t quite coming to the “Jewish background” question from the same perspective as everyone else.

Two individuals were not Jewish and the remaining four all came from interfaith families. Lengthy narratives about familial conflict leading up to the marriages and explanations of the non-Jewish parents ensued. One fellow intern was even second generation interfaith and not Jewish according to traditional Jewish law. I was the only one there with two Jewish parents.

I was shocked. The interfaith question hadn’t even occurred to me. I know some Jewish kids with a non-Jewish or converted parent, but not many. My own family is almost 100% Jewish. And that’s the thing – my personal experience blinded me to the fact that interfaith families are increasingly the norm for many of my Jewish peers.

My family’s strong opposition to intermarriage has also ingrained in me a certain internal narrative in which intermarriage leads to confusion leads to disaffection leads to abandonment of Judaism. But the fact that 4 out of the 5 Jewish interns spending the summer doing intensive Jewish studies research come from such backgrounds has shown me that this is not always the case.

It’s often been remarked upon that converts are the most dedicated Jews. And I think that for my fellow interns and other dedicated Jews from interfaith families, there is a similar reason – Judaism for them is something exciting and chosen that they don’t take for granted. I am still convinced that marrying another Jew is the best thing for Jewish people, but I have learned to be a little less pessimistic about interfaith families.

Comments (15)

Anonymous:

Farnaz, a blogger on the On Faith Forum (Claire Hoffman's thread George Carlin and Susan Jacoby's June/July 08), an atheist of Jewish stock from Iran, who has lived in Pakistan and India, claims that there is an atheistic branch to Judaism. She further claims that it is not possible to understand Judaism without reading the Scripture in the original languages that it was written. She admits that the same goes for the Quran only someone who has read it in Arabic understands it. She does not consider Jesus a historical figure and if He was not a Jew.

Have you any response to those claims by a fellow Jewish woman?

Looking forward to your answer in your next essay. You may read all of Farnaz's comments before answering.

lg:

were not the 12 tribes nomadic and intermarriage was common..who is true blue blood?

Anonymous:

If you are special, where does that leave the rest of the world? No one wants to take your specialness from you Avraham- but your specialness is costing this country in terms of wars(Iraq, that's where the Babylonians are dear) and future wars- (Iran- you forgot to mention the Persian Empire)

Join the human race-

Avraham Avigdor:

An interesting point about an "elitist mentality" from ANONYMOUS.

Take a look back into history. Where are the Assyrians, the Babylonians, the Ancient Egyptians, the Romans, The Cannanites, etc? Look at the positive impact the Jewish people have had on the world in all fields of endeavor especially in relation to our size. It is hard not to admit that the Jews have a special purpose. (topic for another post)
Am Yisroel Chai!

anti-intermarriage:

Avraham is absolutely right. Intermarriage and assimilation is destroying the Jewish community around the world.

Don't pay attention to Ed Case and "Rabbi" Kerry Olitzky who are both intermarried and don't have Jewish children. They are both dedicated to weakening Judaism and making it a secular religion while erasing the ethnicity aspect of it. They want a phony Judaism that will in end will consist mostly of Gentiles. They're pathetic.

Anonymous:

What an extraordinary insight into an elitist mentality. Even among the interfaith, she makes the assumption that means converts to Judaism.
Can anyone here imagine the outcries if any other ethnic group lamented this way about assimilation? In 2008?

Priver:

I've heard variations on this theme my whole life. "so and so comes every week to temple, so they are good Jews. Marry another Jew, make more Jews".. right there, that's exactly why I left Judaism. The fact that I was raised Jewish from an interfaith family had FAR less to do with it than my not buying into that whole 'Jews being God's children' thing. Any god that creates a 'special' people to have a unique bond with and then proceeds to kill more than 6 million of them through people calling them subhuman is not a deity worthy of worship, in my opinion.

Though my heart is elsewhere religiously I am extremely proud of my Jewish identity roots and intend to pass that along to any children I may have. But my child(ren) will decide for themselves what religion they will ultimately identify with when they are old enough. Until then they will learn about others' faiths as well as where their parents came from.

I think Jews should be allowed to choose whom they marry, just like everyone else. IMO Jews are lucky to have that link with an ethnicity and culture passed down through birth, and it's up to the parent(s) to teach them what that means. Depending on the parents' practice, religion may or may not necessarily factor into the equation.

Does it make someone 'less' Jewish if they embrace their ancestral lineage, culture and/or food, music, etc, but not practice the religion of Judaism? Especially these days where a committee in Israel makes a person track down their lineages to show a connection to Israel if they want to get married there no matter how much religious schooling they might have had?

That leads to a question that I'd like to post to the other Jewish posters on this site:

If Anti-Semitism disappeared tomorrow, what would it mean to be Jewish in today's world?

h.:

i think Ms. Rabin is beginning to realize that not everyone grew up exactly as she did, and that is an important step towards improving the Jewish community. she admits that she has been trapped in some sort of bubble where she assumes that everyone marries within the faith, but she knows that isn't true and has come to terms with it thanks to her internship and the real-life evidence presented to her that people from interfaith backgrounds want to and can be part of the Jewish community. Ms. Rabin is firm in her belief that Jews should only marry other Jews, but she has learned to be respectful towards those who have not chosen Jewish partners because she understands that alienating them would be a great mistake.

Ash:

"I am still convinced that marrying another Jew is the best thing for Jewish people, but I have learned to be a little less pessimistic about interfaith families."

Perhaps you might consider that what is best for another person is really none of your business, regardless of what labels you attach to them. One of the most annoying things about many religious people is their constant insistence that THEIR WAY IS THE RIGHT WAY. How about letting people make their own choices without getting your knickers in a twist about it?

Avraham Avigdor:

This is not an issue of interfaith relationships per se , but of the very survival of the Jewish people. Rampant assimilation is THE problem.

Statistics show how easy it has become for a Jew in America to intermarry and basically throw away thousands of years of connection to Judaism and Am Yisroel (The Jewish People).

The children of those interfaith couples who lose their connection to Judaism either by being brought up in another religion, by not being taught Jewish values, or by receiving mixed messages about religion are lost to Am Yisroel. This is nothing less that giving another victory to Hitler.

I realize that that statement is shocking to those liberal thinkers whose priorities have nothing to do with the survival of the Jewish people. Admit the truth to yourselves that your priorities are somewhere else.

I am deeply touched to see that Shari has learned the values of Am Yisroel.

Avraham Avigdor:

This is not an issue of interfaith relationships per se , but of the very survival of the Jewish people. Rampant assimilation is THE problem.

Statistics show how easy it has become for a Jew in America to intermarry and basically throw away thousands of years of connection to Judaism and Am Yisroel (The Jewish People).

The children of those interfaith couples who lose their connection to Judaism either by being brought up in another religion, by not being taught Jewish values, or by receiving mixed messages about religion are lost to Am Yisroel. This is nothing less that giving another victory to Hitler.

I realize that that statement is shocking to those liberal thinkers whose priorities have nothing to do with the survival of the Jewish people. Admit the truth to yourselves that your priorities are somewhere else.

I am deeply touched to see that Shari has learned the values of Am Yisroel.

Now if only Shari can teach her parents and the community in which she was raised, then we will really be able to celebrate the lessons in Big Tent Judaism that she is learning.
Rabbi Kerry Olitzky, Executive Director
Jewish Outreach Institute

Now if only Shari can teach her parents and the community in which she was raised, then we will really be able to celebrate the lessons in Big Tent Judaism that she is learning.
Rabbi Kerry Olitzky, Executive Director
Jewish Outreach Institute

I applaud Shari's open-mindedness and growing awareness that intermarriage not only does not necessarily lead to abandonment of Judaism, but instead can produce people excited about choosing something they don't take for granted. Hopefully her own family and many more in the Jewish community will come to the same realization -- which in itself would reinforce and support the Jewish choices of people in interfaith relationships.

Ed Case
President, InterfaithFamily.com

This accords with a search for Jewish roots by some of the Christans in the Olive Tree Ministry, e.g. israelolivetree.org.

Don't forget the 2001-2002 NJPS Survey:
http://www.ujc.org/getfile.asp?id=3806
(PowerPoint Sumary)

It's still an incredible trend. Scarier are those Jewish youth disconected with the mere history and love of the State of Israel.
(I was born during the years of the Shoah; there was no State of Israel then.)

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