As a shegetz, I couldn't agree with you more concerning the importance of the Jewish Identity. In a world that seems to be more and more hostile to Jews, it seems more important than ever.

I have had the opportunity to visit Dachua and Auschwitz and seen the active program of the Nazis to eliminate Jews. I would hate to think that the passive process of intermarriage could minimize the Jewish voice in our world.

I hope that this makes sense. Some day, I hope to be a mench!

Shari, shalom to you and to all the Jewish people.

Parents and grandparents who demand that their children and grandchildren marry only those of their own faith are worshipping at the alter of the abstract false god of ethnic identity, to the detriment of the well-being of real flesh-and-blood humans.

Written very eloquently, Shari! And I agree with your mother 100 percent!

there are ways to preserve our heritage that do not involve utilizing guilt and scare tactics.

one of the major issues i have with Judaism is its obsession with demographics and intermarriage. it's the one thing we as Jews (no matter how different we are) all agree is a huge problem. but that's where the similarity ends. every one of us feels there is a different approach to reducing intermarriage. clearly, the method of disowning and shunning has not worked and anyone who thinks otherwise is out of their mind.

there are some who say that intermarriage contributes to the survival of Jews. i don't necessarily agree with this statement, but i also do not think that in-marriage is the only way to ensure Jewish continuity. and just because two Jews marry, it doesn't guarantee that everything will be smooth sailing. as a wise and welcoming Modern Orthodox Rabbi once told me: "every marriage is an intermarriage." he has a point. even people with the same religion aren't going to agree on every little thing in life. religious differences in a relationship can pose problems, but they should not always be viewed as the culprit for a break-up or divorce.

two of my cousins (one female, one male) married non-Jews...and you know what? their families got through it and still maintain good relationships with them. it wasn't their preference by any means, but cutting off their kids was never an option.

my parents want me to marry a Jewish guy. i can count the number of times they tell me this on both hands. it makes me depressed because they are more concerned with whether the person is Jewish than whether i am happy. i love my parents very much, and i hope in the end they will accept whoever i marry whether they are Jewish or not. i am not a religious person, but i have a very strong identity that i feel can be shared with anyone regardless of their religious background. as my uncle once said: "it takes two Jews to make a Jewish marriage. it only takes one to make Jewish children- the mother." for me, it's more important that my children are Jewish than my future husband is. yes, he can always convert. but i would not enforce it and i would not allow anyone else to do so. we as Jews should be focusing on the future, not the past. if we are to survive, we must find ways to reach out to everyone and let them know they have a place somewhere in our tent. we must not cast out those who have chosen love over tradition. we must retain them so their children will be raised Jewishly and their traditions will be passed on to future generations.

I'm a Jewish male, not particularly religious, though I did go to Jewish day school and was bar mitzva'd.

I married a Jewish woman for similar reasons as yours: to marry outside the faith would have been like spitting on the graves of my relatives who funded my education. And my dad told me when I was 12 or so that he would disown me if I married outside the faith.

I have a single sibling in his late 30s, and my parents would not care at all at this point if he married a non-Jew, but the scare tactic worked well on me.

We need to preserve our heritage, our outlook, our values. We must defend our fellow Jews. Why? because history shows that the world at large wants us to lose all trappings of our Judaism, remain silent as they slaughter the rest of our people, and then they will come after us too--for no matter how assimilitated we become, we are still Jews (just ask the assimiliated German Jews of WWII).