I'm bothered and can't put myself at ease. Saturday, as I made my weekly scavenge of the (still closing ) 6th Ave. Barnes & Noble, a guy approached me looking to find a kindred spirit (or one-night stand). Early on, he told me, "I can tell you're a very good, kind person."
A line I get a lot, and not the most effective. But this week has made me realize just how true that statement isn't. For a few weeks, my little Brooklyn church has been studying The Sermon on the Mount. If you thought that was a feel-good passage, look it through again and tremble.
I have no trouble remembering, "blessed are the meek," but had somehow forgotten about these hard lines:
"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment...anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell...You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matt 5:22;27-28
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
Matt 5: 43-45; 46-48
Be perfect. It bothers me so much.
The view out my living room window is a massive poster of a reclining Victoria's Secret model in lingerie. My walk to school every morning (all two-and-a-half minutes of it) dazzles my mind with suggestive ads and my own thoughts betray me. In the 9 a.m. sidewalk crush or on a busy smelly subway, I sometimes find it impossible not to mentally curse the woman who cuts me off or the man who stands and leers at me as I walk by. And yet, I realize, I constantly hold court on my classmates and friends for their treatment of the commands I make so loose and free with.
Surely, I want to tell myself, Christ meant these injunctions for elderly denizens of the Midwest and not for stressed, hormonal 18-21-year-olds living in the sin capital of the East. But I find no reassurance in the text.
In some ways, I feel that I don't know my own faith. I prefer to practice an abbreviated code of Christianity that leaves my thought life and language untouched and frowns heavily on the sins I'm least tempted to. I live in the comfortable world of grace and forgiveness and find the love of my God such a small motivation to follow his commands.
Though I know I'll be forgiven, I feel faithless. What does "living for God" mean to me?
Comments (5)
moyer myers Angela
Posted May 8, 2008 5:47 AM
Posted on May 8, 2008 05:47
moyer myers Angela
Posted May 8, 2008 5:47 AM
Posted on May 8, 2008 05:47
Hi Hope,
This was a very encouraging post, remember what James said,
Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.
Take solace that Christ went to the cross for your sins knowing that you would fall, stumble and sin, but that his grace is sufficient and where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.
Keep up the good fight,
Canyon
Posted March 19, 2008 8:44 AM
Posted on March 19, 2008 08:44
Hi Hope,
TJ is right; Also, we as believers cannot do it alone; Lest a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of heaven. We try to do it in our own strength and it never works. Ask the Lord to give you His spirit and the power to do His will and when you cry out in a godly sorrow and repentance, it glorifies God when we show Him how much we love Him for His grace and mercy and it's a pleasure to be obedient in love. He will be right there to give you the strength and power to do His will. God Bless You Hope...
Posted March 11, 2008 2:43 PM
Posted on March 11, 2008 14:43
No need to worry. Just listen to Jesus as relayed by Mark.
Jesus says: "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell."
You love and trust Jesus right? Can you really say that you are living for him if you don't follow his instructions?
Posted March 11, 2008 1:13 PM
Posted on March 11, 2008 13:13