Elizabeth Tenety -
‘Book Buyback’ is a magical ordeal where students line up to sell their three-month-old, $75 textbooks back to the bookstore in return for ten bucks and a wallop of intellectual shame. Penniless with just days until Christmas, a few years ago I found myself in that line bearing a somewhat guilty conscience and several heady philosophy books.
That day, a similarly desperate student stood in front of me carrying his own load of academic baggage including one book by Georgetown’s own John F. Haught titled ‘What is God? –How to think about the divine.’ You know the times are tough when you’re selling insight into eternity back to the bookstore.
Intrigued, I asked him if I could look at the book. He handed it over and generously added that I could keep it. A small Christmas miracle.
It is three years since I received that book and I just began reading it. I wasn’t ready for it until now.
Haught on how to get to ‘The Divine’:
“I shall attempt this location of transcendence by asking you to reflect on five ordinary aspects of your own life experience: your experience of depth, future, freedom, beauty and truth.”
I’ve been stuck on the 13-page Depth chapter for three weeks, reading a bit each night and digesting it while I sleep. Does my languor suggest that I’m really deep, or completely superficial?
In that chapter, Haught writes:
“The experience of depth has two faces. It is both abyss and ground. . . . . What would happen, though, if we allowed ourselves, or were forced by ‘circumstances,’ to plunge into the abyss? . . . . The depth will show itself to us not only as an abyss but also as ground. In the final analysis, the depth is ultimate support, absolute security, unrestricted love, eternal care.”
A blog is a strange place to talk about a spiritual 'feeling,' but I’m going to try. . .
I have spent years in the abyss. I know its endless emptiness. But lately another side has shown itself to me.
I have noticed something drawing me in, something strange and ineffable that I hesitate to name or psychoanalyze. It might be the caffeine talking or neurons over- firing or hormones zipping around my body. But it might be God; or as the Jesuits say, an “internal movement” of the soul.
Without my consent, something within me has decided to go through a spiritual transformation and I can feel my old walls being torn down. I am being moved into a place of peace and growth. I feel pulled there, like I am being grasped by the wrists and compelled onward.
I think I’m experiencing depth’s grounding.
The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius talk about a similar movement:
“It belongs to God our Lord to give consolation to the soul without preceding cause, for it is the property of the Creator to enter, go out and cause movements in the soul, bringing it all into love of His Divine Majesty. I say without cause: without any previous sense or knowledge of any object through which such consolation would come, through one's acts of understanding and will.”
Skeptics might call the interior movements I am experiencing ‘indigestion.’ I am open to that possibility. But indigestion is seldom this joyful.
On a related note:
"If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting." -Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts
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