I have been doing a little spiritual director shopping lately. I am looking for a Catholic guide, a person trained to help me channel my religious angst in a productive direction. I have met with several people –spiritual first dates, if you will. After a painful search and some heartache, I believe that I have found The One. It was love at first insight.
My most recent date gone wrong was with a priest who wanted to bring me back in step with the church by exploring the ways that I have been hurt throughout my life. If I determined where I had been wounded in my personal life, Father suggested, then my objections to certain church precepts that have hurt me would diminish. (N.B., I have a quite normal—even lovely –personal life.) While I think psychoanalysis might be worthwhile for some people, I was hoping to move forward constructively. Furthermore, I am not trying to fall in line, but rather I am looking to be honest with the questions that I have.
And then I found her. She is a Benedictine nun in the Chicago area. She is thoughtful and compassionate. She caught what I threw at her. We laughed. I tried not to cry.
What does a young grad student with curled eyelashes and high heels have in common with a denim-jumper wearing, monastery-dwelling nun? More than meets the eye. I hope we waltz into the unknown hand in prayerfully folded hand.
Catholics, I have noticed, are more reluctant than their Evangelical Christian counterparts to look outside their circles if their spiritual needs are not being met. We stick with whatever parish we are given –lame-o homilies be darned. One likely reason is that in Catholicism, the particulars –from the preacher to the youth group –are not the pinnacle of liturgy or life. Christ, in the Eucharist or as our teacher and savior, is. We find God in our community, flaws and all.
We are less likely to seek out a different parish if ours isn’t meeting our needs. We wail, we lament. We groan and shriek. We stay put. Suffering, after all, is part of our identity.
But there does come a point, I think, when you become stagnated and know that you need something more, something different. It is a careful balancing act to ensure that you are not simply fashioning a comfortable religion in your own mold. There are a number of church teachings that frustrate me, but some irritate me because they are so difficult to follow. Who needs to change, to move, to grow? Is it me, or the church?
Catholics have a rich spiritual well from which to draw. I have experienced Franciscan spirituality and the Jesuit ethos. I may dabble in the Benedictine way in the coming months. I am discovering, once again, that if there is room in the church for mystics and ascetics, sinners and saints, doubters and believers, then there just might be room for me.
Comments (19)
Hello, nice site :)
Posted December 2, 2007 7:49 PM
Posted on December 2, 2007 19:49
Hello, nice site :)
Posted December 2, 2007 7:49 PM
Posted on December 2, 2007 19:49
At your young age, it's probably a worthwhile endeavor to seek out a spiritual advisor.
But be careful. Such folk can exercise undue and even malign influence over their advisees, consciously or unconsciously.
Remember that the Tsarina Alexandra Fyodorovna Romanova chose Rasputin as her spiritual director, with unhappy results.
In the long run you'll have to find and follow your own path.
As the saying goes: "If you meet the Buddha [spiritual advisor] on the roadway, kill him!"
Or, as Thoreau put it: "He who would reach his destination must travel alone."
Posted October 22, 2007 1:36 AM
Posted on October 22, 2007 01:36
I admire your searching and your evident humanity.
Have you ever considered that perhaps
NOT EVERYthing that the Catholic Church teaches is the Absolute Truth (may God damn me to hell)?
Like, maybe ALL the theology about heaven and hell is not absolutely correct?
Or that there may be other, equally or more healthy way to think about sexuality than the Catholic way?
Or that love compassion and forgiveness are as effectively practiced by sincere Buddhists and atheists as by Catholics or Mormons?
And that it is POSSIBLE that there is no God or heaven at all, in which case the way we act towards our fellows is all that really matters?
Just wondering.
Posted October 21, 2007 5:35 PM
Posted on October 21, 2007 17:35
I don't get it. One the the things all Catholics believe as bedrock is the authority of the pope as the apostle of Christ's church.
So if Pope John Paul II sealed the issue of "women" priests --its sealed. Sorry, to be so blunt, but its simply not going to be reversed by a future pope, so better to yearn for understanding.
On the issue of human sexuality, including contraception the issue has been cemented and added to by several popes now. John Paul II's Theology of the Body is stunning in its truth and beauty. All of our answers to bodily questions are there and we should simply rejoice at this revolutionary approach!!! Catholicism will save the world.
Anyone who is searching for answers doesn't have to look further than AUTHENTIC catholic teaching.
If you really love the Church, learn your theology first. I fail to see how anyone can disagree with the Church on more than 1 issue and REALLY have given due effort to Catholic theology.
Posted October 20, 2007 4:50 PM
Posted on October 20, 2007 16:50
Sincerely seeking God (the Truth) is a major sign of maturity. I strongly suggest that you ensure that any spiritual director you choose be in perfect alignment with the Church's teachings (Magisterium). Otherwise, you inadvertently may find yourself "on the edge of true Roman Catholicism in an outbound express train." As all great Catholic mystics (St. Teresa of Avila, St. Francis of Assisi, etc.) agree, if a spiritual/psychic experience doesn't conform with a teaching of the Church, reject it and its origin, no matter how alluring and genuine it may seem - your spiritual life (not to mention those of others whom you may influence) depends on it!
Posted October 18, 2007 12:08 PM
Posted on October 18, 2007 12:08
Enjoyed your post. Be grateful that you have found "a match" for this time in your journey. The point, after all, is not to worry about "getting in step" but, rather, to honor your questions and move forward with The One who leads. A good spiritual director allows you to explore, and holds you up when you seem to fall. Ditto on the book by Ron Rolheiser...or any of his books; also Joyce Rupp. Blessings!
Posted October 18, 2007 9:39 AM
Posted on October 18, 2007 09:39
I have some ideas: an Ignatian 30 day retreat, a pilgrimage to Lourdes - the candle rosary is incredible, and then setting high minimum standards for yourself each day/week - like pray every day for at least 20 minutes and see if you can work up to the 1 hour most prayer books recommend or 3 rosaries said slowly and mediatively, weekly confession, go to mass multiple days a week - so if the Sunday homily is bad you get a second or third chance. And take time to give thanks to a God whose generosity is beyond our wildness dreams.
Posted October 18, 2007 9:27 AM
Posted on October 18, 2007 09:27
Nice witness. I recommend "The Holy Longing" by Ron Rolheiser, a great look at who we are, who we are to be and how Jesus wanted us to do it.
Many people say it is the best book they ever read. Regards, DA
Posted October 18, 2007 8:02 AM
Posted on October 18, 2007 08:02
Nice witness. I recommend "The Holy Longing" by Ron Rolheiser, a great look at who we are, who we are to be and how Jesus wanted us to do it.
Many people say it is the best book they ever read. Regards, DA
Posted October 18, 2007 8:02 AM
Posted on October 18, 2007 08:02
I have been on a spiritual journey since 1981, one of neccessity. Many are called but few are chosen and that really sucks for numerous reasons I will not get into.
As a child growing up in the 60s under the Camelot generaton of the Kennedy years, I was a Baptist living in an all Catholic neighborhood, sometimes I feel like Karl Rove. Anyway, I used to get beat up by gangs of "fisheaters" and told I was going to Hell for sure. I learned how to fight, to stand up to bullies and protect my jewish friends if need be during those double-standard years.
Life is much the same to me these days. I am a republican now with a much deeper brand of religious/spritual convictions and living in an all democratic county among the churches planted by one Prince Gallitzen, a lowly catholic priest from nobility.
Gallitzen had many missions in life. His most famous work is an apology in a time of religious discrimination against catholics in this part of the world. His decision to live a life indicated by JC probably inspired others to work without material rewards. Recently I came across a prayer to Saint Labre which is very in tune with Gallitzen's work.
Point is that to me Bendictines live a life devoid of double-standards, just like some Baptists I know. Ethical and moral convictions put to practice by others God has put in my path have had profound meaning to me, and maybe they have no idea.
One gentleman I worked for had a hard life living and fighting in the Streets of the old North Bergen of New Jersey. His face was scarred by a slash forehead to bottom of his cheek from contact with a 2x4 in a fight. The Monks got a hold of this man and he ended up going through Wharton Business school. He was an extremely successful with many quirks as humans carry. But he was different, and people knew he was different. Kind of guy that turns out streetlights by passing under them if you know what I mean.
My quest which has yet to end, according to the (cough-cough) Gospel of Thomas has taught me to verify authorities throught the process of learning to trust confidents. Someday, the student does become the teacher but not before its time. We can only give what we have received and those blessings continue to flow as we share freely I think.
In an age of religious and capitalistic extremism, the quest for wisdom has been perverted I think. And funny but I think Dr. Scott Peck died before he could write "The Children of the Lie".
Anyway, you seem to be very open and honest, a necessity for this journey. The other key is what someone referred to as Contempt prior to Investigation. I love to argue with fisheaters today, my best of friends now.
Posted October 18, 2007 12:56 AM
Posted on October 18, 2007 00:56
Hi, Elizabeth:
What a splendid post! I want to encourage you to persist in your spiritually pioneering ways. So many of us Catholics fall by the wayside and get caught up in the world. You should be commended for moving forward and using discernment in your choice! As it happens, I am also in the market for a spiritual director as well. I have a "mentor" who shares our faith and is 15 years my elder. We have lunch each Friday and our sessions are most constructive. He shares his experince as a husband, father and businessman. It helps a lot. But I am spiritually hungry for new growth. Good luck on your journey!
A Catholic in Memphis
Posted October 17, 2007 11:43 PM
Posted on October 17, 2007 23:43
Very nice post!
Posted October 17, 2007 10:43 PM
Posted on October 17, 2007 22:43
Very nice post!
Posted October 17, 2007 10:42 PM
Posted on October 17, 2007 22:42
Check out www.familiesofnazareth.us
i recommend one of the priests there as a spiritual director
Posted October 17, 2007 6:44 PM
Posted on October 17, 2007 18:44
Check out www.familiesofnazareth.us
i recommend one of the priests there as a spiritual director
Posted October 17, 2007 6:43 PM
Posted on October 17, 2007 18:43
Check out www.familiesofnazareth.us
i recommend one of the priests there as a spiritual director
Posted October 17, 2007 6:42 PM
Posted on October 17, 2007 18:42
Perhaps you could learn by teaching - carefully - yourself. Become an adviser anyway, if not a spiritual director. The old term "when you become a teacher, by your students you'll be taught".
Posted October 17, 2007 4:11 PM
Posted on October 17, 2007 16:11
Nice piece, Elizabeth. I had an excellent spiritual director for 3.5 years; but after moving needed to get a new one. After a false start, I found one who has been very helpful to me for seven or eight months.
For me, the trick is finding one who has lots of wit and wisdom, experience, is prayerful, and gentle when I need gentleness, and is unafraid to challenge me, or even give me a swift kick in the pants when I need it.
One thing you said really tickled me:
"(N.B., I have a quite normal—even lovely –personal life.)"
If your life is just fine, then one wonders how a director would even be useful. Lol. But your life is normal, then it is probably a lot of things: some good, some bad, some nice, some ugly. In other words, all sorts of material to sort out with a sympathetic and experienced, but objective and disinterested observer.
Your Benedictine sounds nice. God bless you.
Posted October 17, 2007 1:40 PM
Posted on October 17, 2007 13:40