I think it has to do with expectations. The Norman Rockwell-Ozzie and Harriett-Father Knows Best stereotype of the "normal" American family has been so ingrained in us that when we fall short of that standard it makes us simultaneously angry and sad. In addition, some relatives rarely see, speak or write each other between holidays. There is a sense of obligation to show up to celebrate holidays in order not to give further offense. When they arrive, the actual and perceived grievances are often magnified and multiplied.

Families with such dynamics might consider preparing and formally signing a "Holiday peace treaty." In it, they might pledge to find something positive to say about others and to express gratitude for something the other person has done. Affirming words do much to reduce tensions and conflict ("A soft answer turns away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1). It might also help to remember that story Jesus told about getting the log out of your own eye, before condemning the speck in someone else's eye (Matt 7:3), because often what we see as character flaws in others is a mirror held up to our own faces. Some best selling psychiatrists have written a book called "Happiness is a Choice." Choose to be happy this holiday season, no matter the provocations.